Reality rocks

There is so much Indian reality TV to watch it is getting very hard to keep track.
I cant post fast enough about Rakhhi ka swayamvar. My post gets outdated the minute Ive posted it.

We are all sooooo over Luv and his elimination. We have visited Creepy Tiwari's house where they dint offer Rakhi a cup of tea and sweet Chitiz's house who unfortunately hasnt developed 'feelings'. Tonight she video conferences with Canadian Elesh's parents. I cant wait for the promised twist. I am also hoping it wont happen and she'll just marry Chitiz and wear his clothes. (not his, the ones he makes) edited to add: She picked Elesh. Dint marry him. Yet. Probably wont.

Then there is Sach ka Samna. The episode I watched had an actress named Urvashi, who lost ten lakhs because she answered a question untruthfully. Tragic really, especially after she dealt with questions like " Were you expelled from college because you were pregnant?" "Have you slept with a married man?" and so on. Why did Urvashi lie anyway? She must have known that she would be given away by the machine. Why have your secret exposed AND lose all the money you won so far. Her downfall came though her friend Shanela (a friend no more Im sure). She truthfully revealed her friend tries to control her life but then lied when she said she dint believe Shanela was her friend only because she( i.e. Urvashi) was famous. Perhaps Urvashi din't realise that she thought her friend was a celebrity suck up till it was revealed to her on TV. Gasp. In any case she lost 10 lakhs and probably is unlikely to bond with Shanela anymore.

Then there is Zing ne bana di Jodi which is supposed to be like the Indian 'beauty and the geek'. Small town boys try to hook up with 'uptown' girls...but it is little puzzling as the small town boys seem to be quite savvy and hep. There is already a lot on angst with one chap admitting he was attracted to another girl (who was not his partner) but would rather stick with his current partner because she is better at tasks.

Then there is the jungle show which might be worth a watch for Fiza- the ex asst advocate general, Haryana who converted and ran away with the ex deputy CM, Haryana. 10 celebrities are stuck in a jungle in Malaysia and do all kinds of tasks and finally - surprise one of them wins a load of cash

Such an explosion of reality shows. Most of them are ripoffs from shows that have been aired elsewhere. This is not new - way back in the 90s we imported the Wheel of Fortune . Miss India was an import from pageant formats developed elsewhere. Not so long ago we had Kaun Banega Crorepati. There have been some homegrown formats like Antakshari and Boogie Woogie but they have disappeared now. Now we have Indian Idol, Jhalak Dikkhla Ja, KyaAap Paanchvi Paas Se Tez Hain and Big Boss all rip offs from international formats. I wonder whats next - A simple life? - who are the Indian brats who could fit? An Indian Bridezilla could work. An Indian project runway or Indias next top model would be great fun. The Apprentice? - with Vijay Mallaya or Anil Ambani. Theres a gold mine out there.

Meanwhile, so many shows so little time. Sigh

swayamvar picks up

Ok. Rakhi ka Swayamvar has gotten slightly better. Ok much much better. It is now subject to sting operations and is being contemptuously declared a fraud. This only helps the show though.
I do wish they would getover their identity crisis and realize it is not a saans bahu serial and stop with the triple close ups and camera freezes...but oh well.

Luv Khanna kissed Rakhi. Twice (once on the cheek and once on the forehead).

The other swayamvar contestants got all rattled and insisted that she kick Luv out or else they would step down. (It was disrespectful to them and their mothers you see... no one talked about being disrespectful to Rakhi)

Rakhi kicked him out. Quite foolish too- he was the only good looking one.

Elesh the cannadian NRI who hints at being loaded, (and whose last name Rakhi forgot in the rapidfire round) has gone from being adorable to slightly creepy. I think he isn't from Cannada after all and is tourist guide in manali or something (to explain the accent)

I am beginning to feel a little worried for Rakhi -yes yes its scripted and totally fake I know I know - but what if its not? With the elimination of Luv, Rakhi is left with
- Elesh - balding and possibly fake NRI
- Manas - 22 and is going to pull out the 'mein abhi settle nahi hoon' card
- Manmohan Tiwari- also creepy and possibly has another girlfriend.
-Chittiz Jain- He is most nondescript. I cant remember anything about it

But anyway I hear there is a twist coming up and Rakhi will be spared this dreadful end. SPOILER ALERT.

These boys are going to be offered a ton of money if they reject Rakhi- which the chosen one will most likely accept- and Rahi will be heartbroken but will not have to marry any of the fools listed above and alls well that ends well...

I feel so much better..... and will continue to watch the show nonetheless

Swayamvar

Rakhi ka Swayamvar is finally airing and is in its 3rd episode now and is awful awful awful.

I was looking forward to the show and am appalled at how awful it is. It is not that the show is making a mockery of the concept of marriage, its not the demeaning, cringeworthy acts the contestants have to do to prove their love, its not the fact that one of the contestants is called Luv, that makes the show so terrible (though they do help), but the fact that despite all of this, the show is completely non entertaining.

There are long 5 second shots of nothing happening- a still of Rakhi's face, contestants turning their heads in slow motion. The music is irritating and very random. The entry of each contestant was announced with some dancing girls who danced to the same song each time (there were 16 contestants!). Rakhi ka swayamvar is not a mega serial that has to stretch and drag it's moments to make up for the fact that the plot could be written on a post-it note.

Rakhi ka swamvar can be quick and snappy. They have the captive contestants. They can simply make them do more competetive activities, instead of wasting time shooting Rakhi breathing, contestants breathing, the host Ram kapoor breathing. At one point - the camera lingered on a cushion for a full 3 seconds. Maybe it was symbolic of something. The only time the show was a little fun was when one contestant was declaring to Rakhi how he couldnt eat or sleep, since he was so consumed with love, and this declaration was interjected with shots of his roommate and co contestant telling the audience how much he snored at night and stuffed his face like a pig.

Id like to get the 16 contestants in a quiz (with a buzzer each- so its fast) answering Rakhi Trivia. They should all be given glue shiny paper and cardboard and be told to come with a craft gift for Rakhi in 5 minutes... (hey craftiness can be a big thing in a marriage). They should have obstacle races which they have to complete in 10 minutes. They should do item numbers (though I have a feeling this might happen later on in the show..but how would will sati savitri rakhi be able to watch men do item numbers?)

Its so bad I can't watch an episode fully. I know so far there has been - a first impressions contest- where all contestants have 5 minutes to say something, where the canadian NRI contestant seemed to drop some hints about how rich he was (I think he won). One other constestant gave her kangans from his mother and another contestant gave her a teddy bear. The other contest was one where the contestants read out their love letters to Rakhi, which were excruciatingly bad and this was after most of the contestants reading was edited out.

And oh Rakhi is unbelievably painful, ticking off one contestants love letter for not being romantic enough, chiding a contestant who offered her some bacardi and telling him how bharatiya nari's dont drink, sharing insights into her tortured soul. The host- Ram Kapoor, seems like the only bright spot of the show. A genial and jolly looking chap, looking like he is trying his hardest not to giggle, especially when Rakhi is sharing her insights.
The biggest disappointment is Rakhi and her demureness. I think its time to let the real Rakhi out and that will put some sizzle back into the show.

the death of internet monikers or when did we grow so old?

Blogs seem to be the only places where you can have an internet moniker anymore . like mem or duh or cloud-light. Then again you can do this only on personal blogs.

Earlier these names were everywhere- emails, chat identities. Almost everyone when they first discover the internet decides to shed their staid name that identifies their country, the religion, and gender and decides to pick one that indicates their level of 1. horniness 2. geekiness 3. well- readness 4. well listenedness .

We are presented with a world where we can maintain total anonymity, allowing us to present ourselves the way we want to appear. Nobody can even see you. You can be anyone -unique and brilliant. Yet you have - studboy5467 (5466 people probably already have that name). Men will pick something that has something to do with sex and women will pick something thats cute.

I have been equally guilty - I convinced one friend to be sexbomb on a chatforum. Later I made it sound as if this was a huge clever scam and I had realized the ridiculousness of it all along and had conned my naive friend into accepting the name. In truth, I thought it was a kickass name.

Then there is the second level of maturity where you spurn names like studboy and sexbomb and pick something that reveals something about you- your penchant for music about death ,your love for obscure literature, you knowledge of some pop culture trivia, your wonderful skills in working our anagrams.

Then you grow up and discover your grandma wants to email you and that your boss thinks star wars is stupid- so now you have to generate a firstname.lastname@ soandso.com account. No matter this is not the account you use for work. You have realized that you will interact with family online and that internet is not the domain of the young anymore. You will also realise that while your name stays comfortingly stable, your love for bands, obscure literature, and things that make you go wow change through the years. Soon there wont even be things that make you go wow and even when you do find things that make you go wow - making them a part of your identity has become so lame.

Even when you want to maintain anonymity, like say in a personal blog, - you venture carefully picking names like mem and em and me and she and he. Sigh how boring have we become.

rayne is falling chama cham cham

Its raining , its raining....lettusall oooh and aaah and be so happy that we live in Bangalore. It is the clockwork that is so lovely. Every year Bangaloreans will mutter about this being the hottest summer ever and exactly 7.4 weeks into the hottest summer ever, the cooling rains will descend upon the city making all Bangaloreans go - 'oh now I remember why I like living here'

The rain is really very nice. It comes in short sharp bursts- causing delays and adjustments of schedule- but will never leave you stranded and unable to get out. Its just a quirky playful rain - not a mad deluge that keeps you imprisioned in your house. ( Though the news "cyclone in chennai"- will send all school children rushing to their phones to ask "nale school idiya?". Only once in my 14 years of school-going have I got rain leave.) The rain makes the temperature come down to 'just right' - it doesnt cause mugginess or extreme chilly-ness - though it encourages a craving for all things chilli- chilli gobi, chilli vadai, chilli chicken.
(One Nagarjuna meals followed by corner house right about now would be just perfect).

One we are done ooh-ing and aah-ing, or right as we are in the middle of it, the city will go ahead and do what it does best- come apart spectacularly. Roads will dissolve in some places causing traffic snarls that will take a few centuries to resolve, Kuppai-thoti fellow will not come for a week, and rain drenched garbage smells will fill the air, the power will dissappear for long hours and claps will pierce the dark as one plays the catch the mosquitoes game, trees will fall and damage cars that have been stupidly parked under them, clogged drains will give up and join the wet garbage smells, photos of low lying areas innudated with water will start appearing in the newspaper and we can all get back to whining again. yaay

fit fitter fittest- or welcome back Ruma

Ruma has blogged again...after forever...and blogged about being disciplined or the gym or snacks or something. Rubbish fellow Ruma is. Ruma is a bundle of energy person. She travels by at least 3.4 different modes of transport a day and does 5.4 jobs- One main job, one on the side job because she is greedy, one more for just for the soul and one just for the drinks (though drinks equals part of Ruma's soul also- explains the 0.4), and one more because she couldn't get out of doing that one. and she blogs about spending the entire day making snacklets and going to the gym.

I am a horribly lazy person.(or do i mean horrible and lazy person?) Ruma makes me feel bad. My cooking attempts have failed(I am really not that terrible ...i just have a terribly unrefined tasters/ testers (?) basically people who eat what I make). My iddiyappams all got mashed together and got confused with sevai. My vermicelli pasta in chunky vegetable sauce was greeted with much enthusiasm - "mmm semiya uppma" My pav bhajji was tactfully never mentioned and the bhajji went into next days rasam. Nevertheless I plod on. One food item once a week is all I can manage. A thousand snacklets would drive me insane.

My fitness story has been sadder one. I have always laughed disdainfully at gymmers and thought about how incredibly stupid the whole idea is. Gymming/working out is totally worth it if you want to look like Halle Berry and she works out 5 hours a day. Why bother doing anything in between? Nevertheless, I decided there must be something to the exercising and decided to run- and run I do.- very limited admittedly- but a lot more than I could earlier. I wheeze I gasp I skid, I suffer the indignities of being outrun by 7 year old kids, I jump hastily crafted hurdles made of leaf-less branches held out by the same kids, I suffer the stare of the gossip maamis who congregate at that bench every evening and one month after all of that - I discover I have gone one size up.

Maybe its time to go the Ruma way- cute instructor plus pay to eat or pay to be allowed to eat or something

i yam what i yam

and thats not popeye the sailor man

How I became mem: I received an invitation from M to post on this blog and this was my first post. I needed a name to post. I wanted to be M but couldn't because M had already beaten me to it. I then thought of being em but then there is a pretty famous eM blogger around. I then toyed with being 'me' again someone else I knew had bagged it. Some suggested yum- I refused.
(I had a math teacher in 7th std who would say (yum plus yun) into yum is equwaalto yumyum plus yunyum. Her classes made me very hungry).

So wanting to be M and em and me and not yum I became mem. I dint like the name. It sounded stupid. (why could I not have picked crazycoolme or superhotbabypapa?) But I told myself a name dint matter and stuck to 'mem' and have posted 61 posts (ha! you dint think it would be that many did you! - actually most of them are cheating one line posts) under that name and a million comments besides. Now I am almost fond of the name.

Now that I am slowly coming to terms with 'mem' I learn this- "Mem, as the thirteenth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is most often associated with Death, Atu XIII. Aliester Crowley however, in his Thoth tarot deck assigns Nun to to the thirteenth card, and Mem to The Hanged Man" (from wikipedia).