banal banter

Endhiran. Dot

2010-10-29T16:38:00.005+05:30

Endhiran is genius.

Everybody may not get Endhiran's genius so I'll explain.

It is genius in the standard way and in every way. It has Rajini. Rajini is super. It has A. R Rahman who isnt quite as super in this movie (still it doesnt matter). It has Shankar who is generally not so super, but beyond super in this movie.
It has some white people in fight scenes. It has Aishwarya who is very pretty.

It is also genius because it is an super duper out and out Rajini movie, with fantasticness, over the topness kickassness, BUT without resorting to any "rajini formula". There are no punch line, no rajini entourage, no side comedy track (well there is one but it doesnt count, cant compare to janakraj or goundamani or vivek side comedy track), there is no oppressed suppressed masses that rajini stands for, no arrogant women to tame or reign in, no speech on India's (a.k.a tamilnadu) greatness, no thai pasam even!! The movie has a thai, and enough scope to go all patriotic etc, but it doesnt. The movie gleefully throws off these crutches (no Thai pasam! Really. Even Harry Potter resorts to it) and still remains Fantastic and Rajini.

It is BIG, BAD ASS and COOL. Its like Rajini and Kollywood decided to migrate to the next level. Now that bollywood is "getting" what all the fuss is about and making Salman Khan sport a moustache, Kollywood decided it is now time to shave off the moustache and do something even cooler.

There are many more reasons that make Endhiran and Rajini genius. Perhaps they will need a new post. Or even a new blog.

Endhiran is genius. Dot

Reality rocks

2009-07-23T14:21:00.006+05:30

There is so much Indian reality TV to watch it is getting very hard to keep track.
I cant post fast enough about Rakhhi ka swayamvar. My post gets outdated the minute Ive posted it.

We are all sooooo over Luv and his elimination. We have visited Creepy Tiwari's house where they dint offer Rakhi a cup of tea and sweet Chitiz's house who unfortunately hasnt developed 'feelings'. Tonight she video conferences with Canadian Elesh's parents. I cant wait for the promised twist. I am also hoping it wont happen and she'll just marry Chitiz and wear his clothes. (not his, the ones he makes) edited to add: She picked Elesh. Dint marry him. Yet. Probably wont.

Then there is Sach ka Samna. The episode I watched had an actress named Urvashi, who lost ten lakhs because she answered a question untruthfully. Tragic really, especially after she dealt with questions like " Were you expelled from college because you were pregnant?" "Have you slept with a married man?" and so on. Why did Urvashi lie anyway? She must have known that she would be given away by the machine. Why have your secret exposed AND lose all the money you won so far. Her downfall came though her friend Shanela (a friend no more Im sure). She truthfully revealed her friend tries to control her life but then lied when she said she dint believe Shanela was her friend only because she( i.e. Urvashi) was famous. Perhaps Urvashi din't realise that she thought her friend was a celebrity suck up till it was revealed to her on TV. Gasp. In any case she lost 10 lakhs and probably is unlikely to bond with Shanela anymore.

Then there is Zing ne bana di Jodi which is supposed to be like the Indian 'beauty and the geek'. Small town boys try to hook up with 'uptown' girls...but it is little puzzling as the small town boys seem to be quite savvy and hep. There is already a lot on angst with one chap admitting he was attracted to another girl (who was not his partner) but would rather stick with his current partner because she is better at tasks.

Then there is the jungle show which might be worth a watch for Fiza- the ex asst advocate general, Haryana who converted and ran away with the ex deputy CM, Haryana. 10 celebrities are stuck in a jungle in Malaysia and do all kinds of tasks and finally - surprise one of them wins a load of cash

Such an explosion of reality shows. Most of them are ripoffs from shows that have been aired elsewhere. This is not new - way back in the 90s we imported the Wheel of Fortune . Miss India was an import from pageant formats developed elsewhere. Not so long ago we had Kaun Banega Crorepati. There have been some homegrown formats like Antakshari and Boogie Woogie but they have disappeared now. Now we have Indian Idol, Jhalak Dikkhla Ja, KyaAap Paanchvi Paas Se Tez Hain and Big Boss all rip offs from international formats. I wonder whats next - A simple life? - who are the Indian brats who could fit? An Indian Bridezilla could work. An Indian project runway or Indias next top model would be great fun. The Apprentice? - with Vijay Mallaya or Anil Ambani. Theres a gold mine out there.

Meanwhile, so many shows so little time. Sigh

swayamvar picks up

2009-07-20T18:49:00.003+05:30

Ok. Rakhi ka Swayamvar has gotten slightly better. Ok much much better. It is now subject to sting operations and is being contemptuously declared a fraud. This only helps the show though.
I do wish they would getover their identity crisis and realize it is not a saans bahu serial and stop with the triple close ups and camera freezes...but oh well.

Luv Khanna kissed Rakhi. Twice (once on the cheek and once on the forehead).

The other swayamvar contestants got all rattled and insisted that she kick Luv out or else they would step down. (It was disrespectful to them and their mothers you see... no one talked about being disrespectful to Rakhi)

Rakhi kicked him out. Quite foolish too- he was the only good looking one.

Elesh the cannadian NRI who hints at being loaded, (and whose last name Rakhi forgot in the rapidfire round) has gone from being adorable to slightly creepy. I think he isn't from Cannada after all and is tourist guide in manali or something (to explain the accent)

I am beginning to feel a little worried for Rakhi -yes yes its scripted and totally fake I know I know - but what if its not? With the elimination of Luv, Rakhi is left with
- Elesh - balding and possibly fake NRI
- Manas - 22 and is going to pull out the 'mein abhi settle nahi hoon' card
- Manmohan Tiwari- also creepy and possibly has another girlfriend.
-Chittiz Jain- He is most nondescript. I cant remember anything about it

But anyway I hear there is a twist coming up and Rakhi will be spared this dreadful end. SPOILER ALERT.

These boys are going to be offered a ton of money if they reject Rakhi- which the chosen one will most likely accept- and Rahi will be heartbroken but will not have to marry any of the fools listed above and alls well that ends well...

I feel so much better..... and will continue to watch the show nonetheless

Swayamvar

2009-07-02T13:29:00.006+05:30

Rakhi ka Swayamvar is finally airing and is in its 3rd episode now and is awful awful awful.

I was looking forward to the show and am appalled at how awful it is. It is not that the show is making a mockery of the concept of marriage, its not the demeaning, cringeworthy acts the contestants have to do to prove their love, its not the fact that one of the contestants is called Luv, that makes the show so terrible (though they do help), but the fact that despite all of this, the show is completely non entertaining.

There are long 5 second shots of nothing happening- a still of Rakhi's face, contestants turning their heads in slow motion. The music is irritating and very random. The entry of each contestant was announced with some dancing girls who danced to the same song each time (there were 16 contestants!). Rakhi ka swayamvar is not a mega serial that has to stretch and drag it's moments to make up for the fact that the plot could be written on a post-it note.

Rakhi ka swamvar can be quick and snappy. They have the captive contestants. They can simply make them do more competetive activities, instead of wasting time shooting Rakhi breathing, contestants breathing, the host Ram kapoor breathing. At one point - the camera lingered on a cushion for a full 3 seconds. Maybe it was symbolic of something. The only time the show was a little fun was when one contestant was declaring to Rakhi how he couldnt eat or sleep, since he was so consumed with love, and this declaration was interjected with shots of his roommate and co contestant telling the audience how much he snored at night and stuffed his face like a pig.

Id like to get the 16 contestants in a quiz (with a buzzer each- so its fast) answering Rakhi Trivia. They should all be given glue shiny paper and cardboard and be told to come with a craft gift for Rakhi in 5 minutes... (hey craftiness can be a big thing in a marriage). They should have obstacle races which they have to complete in 10 minutes. They should do item numbers (though I have a feeling this might happen later on in the show..but how would will sati savitri rakhi be able to watch men do item numbers?)

Its so bad I can't watch an episode fully. I know so far there has been - a first impressions contest- where all contestants have 5 minutes to say something, where the canadian NRI contestant seemed to drop some hints about how rich he was (I think he won). One other constestant gave her kangans from his mother and another contestant gave her a teddy bear. The other contest was one where the contestants read out their love letters to Rakhi, which were excruciatingly bad and this was after most of the contestants reading was edited out.

And oh Rakhi is unbelievably painful, ticking off one contestants love letter for not being romantic enough, chiding a contestant who offered her some bacardi and telling him how bharatiya nari's dont drink, sharing insights into her tortured soul. The host- Ram Kapoor, seems like the only bright spot of the show. A genial and jolly looking chap, looking like he is trying his hardest not to giggle, especially when Rakhi is sharing her insights.
The biggest disappointment is Rakhi and her demureness. I think its time to let the real Rakhi out and that will put some sizzle back into the show.

the death of internet monikers or when did we grow so old?

2009-06-05T18:40:00.002+05:30

Blogs seem to be the only places where you can have an internet moniker anymore . like mem or duh or cloud-light. Then again you can do this only on personal blogs.

Earlier these names were everywhere- emails, chat identities. Almost everyone when they first discover the internet decides to shed their staid name that identifies their country, the religion, and gender and decides to pick one that indicates their level of 1. horniness 2. geekiness 3. well- readness 4. well listenedness .

We are presented with a world where we can maintain total anonymity, allowing us to present ourselves the way we want to appear. Nobody can even see you. You can be anyone -unique and brilliant. Yet you have - studboy5467 (5466 people probably already have that name). Men will pick something that has something to do with sex and women will pick something thats cute.

I have been equally guilty - I convinced one friend to be sexbomb on a chatforum. Later I made it sound as if this was a huge clever scam and I had realized the ridiculousness of it all along and had conned my naive friend into accepting the name. In truth, I thought it was a kickass name.

Then there is the second level of maturity where you spurn names like studboy and sexbomb and pick something that reveals something about you- your penchant for music about death ,your love for obscure literature, you knowledge of some pop culture trivia, your wonderful skills in working our anagrams.

Then you grow up and discover your grandma wants to email you and that your boss thinks star wars is stupid- so now you have to generate a firstname.lastname@ soandso.com account. No matter this is not the account you use for work. You have realized that you will interact with family online and that internet is not the domain of the young anymore. You will also realise that while your name stays comfortingly stable, your love for bands, obscure literature, and things that make you go wow change through the years. Soon there wont even be things that make you go wow and even when you do find things that make you go wow - making them a part of your identity has become so lame.

Even when you want to maintain anonymity, like say in a personal blog, - you venture carefully picking names like mem and em and me and she and he. Sigh how boring have we become.

rayne is falling chama cham cham

2009-04-24T11:19:00.000+05:30

Its raining , its raining....lettusall oooh and aaah and be so happy that we live in Bangalore. It is the clockwork that is so lovely. Every year Bangaloreans will mutter about this being the hottest summer ever and exactly 7.4 weeks into the hottest summer ever, the cooling rains will descend upon the city making all Bangaloreans go - 'oh now I remember why I like living here'

The rain is really very nice. It comes in short sharp bursts- causing delays and adjustments of schedule- but will never leave you stranded and unable to get out. Its just a quirky playful rain - not a mad deluge that keeps you imprisioned in your house. ( Though the news "cyclone in chennai"- will send all school children rushing to their phones to ask "nale school idiya?". Only once in my 14 years of school-going have I got rain leave.) The rain makes the temperature come down to 'just right' - it doesnt cause mugginess or extreme chilly-ness - though it encourages a craving for all things chilli- chilli gobi, chilli vadai, chilli chicken.
(One Nagarjuna meals followed by corner house right about now would be just perfect).

One we are done ooh-ing and aah-ing, or right as we are in the middle of it, the city will go ahead and do what it does best- come apart spectacularly. Roads will dissolve in some places causing traffic snarls that will take a few centuries to resolve, Kuppai-thoti fellow will not come for a week, and rain drenched garbage smells will fill the air, the power will dissappear for long hours and claps will pierce the dark as one plays the catch the mosquitoes game, trees will fall and damage cars that have been stupidly parked under them, clogged drains will give up and join the wet garbage smells, photos of low lying areas innudated with water will start appearing in the newspaper and we can all get back to whining again. yaay

fit fitter fittest- or welcome back Ruma

2009-04-22T15:05:00.001+05:30

Ruma has blogged again...after forever...and blogged about being disciplined or the gym or snacks or something. Rubbish fellow Ruma is. Ruma is a bundle of energy person. She travels by at least 3.4 different modes of transport a day and does 5.4 jobs- One main job, one on the side job because she is greedy, one more for just for the soul and one just for the drinks (though drinks equals part of Ruma's soul also- explains the 0.4), and one more because she couldn't get out of doing that one. and she blogs about spending the entire day making snacklets and going to the gym.

I am a horribly lazy person.(or do i mean horrible and lazy person?) Ruma makes me feel bad. My cooking attempts have failed(I am really not that terrible ...i just have a terribly unrefined tasters/ testers (?) basically people who eat what I make). My iddiyappams all got mashed together and got confused with sevai. My vermicelli pasta in chunky vegetable sauce was greeted with much enthusiasm - "mmm semiya uppma" My pav bhajji was tactfully never mentioned and the bhajji went into next days rasam. Nevertheless I plod on. One food item once a week is all I can manage. A thousand snacklets would drive me insane.

My fitness story has been sadder one. I have always laughed disdainfully at gymmers and thought about how incredibly stupid the whole idea is. Gymming/working out is totally worth it if you want to look like Halle Berry and she works out 5 hours a day. Why bother doing anything in between? Nevertheless, I decided there must be something to the exercising and decided to run- and run I do.- very limited admittedly- but a lot more than I could earlier. I wheeze I gasp I skid, I suffer the indignities of being outrun by 7 year old kids, I jump hastily crafted hurdles made of leaf-less branches held out by the same kids, I suffer the stare of the gossip maamis who congregate at that bench every evening and one month after all of that - I discover I have gone one size up.

Maybe its time to go the Ruma way- cute instructor plus pay to eat or pay to be allowed to eat or something

i yam what i yam

2009-04-21T16:22:00.002+05:30

and thats not popeye the sailor man

How I became mem: I received an invitation from M to post on this blog and this was my first post. I needed a name to post. I wanted to be M but couldn't because M had already beaten me to it. I then thought of being em but then there is a pretty famous eM blogger around. I then toyed with being 'me' again someone else I knew had bagged it. Some suggested yum- I refused.
(I had a math teacher in 7th std who would say (yum plus yun) into yum is equwaalto yumyum plus yunyum. Her classes made me very hungry).

So wanting to be M and em and me and not yum I became mem. I dint like the name. It sounded stupid. (why could I not have picked crazycoolme or superhotbabypapa?) But I told myself a name dint matter and stuck to 'mem' and have posted 61 posts (ha! you dint think it would be that many did you! - actually most of them are cheating one line posts) under that name and a million comments besides. Now I am almost fond of the name.

Now that I am slowly coming to terms with 'mem' I learn this- "Mem, as the thirteenth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is most often associated with Death, Atu XIII. Aliester Crowley however, in his Thoth tarot deck assigns Nun to to the thirteenth card, and Mem to The Hanged Man" (from wikipedia).

2009-04-20T10:20:00.002+05:30

Rakhi will choose from among 15 grooms on NDTV Imagine's new show 'Rakhi Ka Swayamvar' to pick the man she will marry. She has already said many fun things like how she wants her mother in law to be "spicy" and how the husband should be like "shah rukh, salman khan, and aamir khan" .

I am sure its all very ridiculous and all that but it really really bugs me to see one Times Now piece about this show. The reporter signs off with "Thank you for the entertainment, but no thanks Rakhi, I don't think men of taste will bite at this bait. This is Nupur somethingortheother from times now"
Oh go suck an egg Nupur. Rakhis TRPs will beat your silly shows anytime

Vote maadi vote

2009-04-16T11:56:00.006+05:30

Yaay its election time. Why am I excited? I am eligible, enrolled and registered with my very own voter id card for the first time thats why- as are most of you this time around.For all their annoying-ness the media campaigns seem to have worked.

So now what are our choices? (Do check out www.smartvote.in - it has the most updated list of all candidate profiles). The choices in my constituency are not very inspiring.

So what do we to chose from? There is the congress - rooted to it’s neoliberal agenda with the occasional sop to the poor but ineffectual as hell, the BJP that is run by quasi-fascists and warmongers, the communists whose positions only sometimes makes sense in theory but are extremely disappointing in practice and oh yes the fourth fifth sixth seventh fronts and several very many others all of whom have an opinion on IPL, Varun Gandhi, Budiyas and Gudiyas, and very little to say about the recession or womens rights, .

In any case, despite lack of substance, campaigning seems much more "fun" (Perhaps I simply hadn't noticed it earlier.) Now you have Congress with the rights to Oscar Winning Jai Ho. Their slogan/ catch phrase is -Aam Admi Ke Badhte Kadam, Har Kadam Par Bharat Buland. I think it is a little wordy and flat. The BJP came up with a parody "bhay ho" that I have seen more often (randomly in LCD monitors in stores) than Jai ho. BJP's slogan is "Kushal Neta, Nirnayak Sarkaar " which is way better than Congress’s wordy slogan. It is short and immediately associates power with BJP(whether that is a good or bad thing I dont know- but certainly that was their intent and they have got it bang on). BJP has also taken over the internet - on blogs, websites, social networking applications such as Facebook, Orkut, YouTube, Twitter and online advertising. Malika Sarabhai is also online- chain mails and Facebook invites supporting her have found their way into my inbox regularly. The Communists have their own site to woo the netizens. While BJP is everywhere on the internet, it seems Congress has taken over television. Check out this site- it collects data based on the daily monitoring of news channels as a public service.

This is all very fun to watch and this spread to campaigning on the internet is exciting even if they do the same online that they do on TV or newspapers -finger point, name call and avoid saying anything concrete. I am sure a tiny minority of the India n population uses the internet and that most who do are urban and educated. (no doubt this profile is changing and the very facts that campaigns have moved there indicates that this change has been recognized) The theory that its poor, the rural mass, the caste block decided who seizes power has not deterred political from putting together tech teams. While this more tech savvy campaigning may not have any real impact on the outcome, I think one effect it has had is to create more dialogue and discussion on various forums and that I suppouse is always a good thing.

Click here for Congress Manifesto

The BJP manifesto can be found here.

Run Maadi Run

2009-04-15T16:37:00.002+05:30

The Bangalore Marathon is here. Sunfeast World10k. On May 31st several Bangloreans will run the 10km marathon. Deepika Padukone promises to be there, so that is pretty exciting. You can also chose to run the 5.6 km "majaa run" (i.e for sissies)

I will be running yaaaay!!! cheers claps whistles. I have registered and now that the imaginary claps and whistles have died down I am wondering why I registered. What is the point really? There is no chance in hell for the amateurs to aspire for any prizes. So there is really no reward. There is no competition. (Competing with yourself is nonsense. Competition is fun only when it makes someone else cry). Paying 315 Rs (and 215 Rs - if you don't register for the charity kit) to be able to run in the sun?- doesnt make much sense. Also why do the ad campaigns say " Run for Bangalore"? How will the saree clad maami in the advertisement help? It could be argued that saree clad maami will at least be helping other saree clad maamis grow more fitness aware. How will I help though? How will my running help? The extra Rs 100 during registration for a charity kit is not a satisfactory answer. I could give the 100 Rs anyway- what does it have to do with running. In any case I dont think the Run for Bangalore slogan means charity. It implies something else like - run to assert bangalore spirit? -run as a representative of the many kind of people who live in bangalore? ...or something like that anyway. The point is I don't think running really goes with the spirit of Bangalore. In my head, if there is a spirit of Bangalore, it is a laid back, non controversial, chilled out spirit. Of course I am also 84. Recent events have shown the Bangalore is anything but non controversial, chilled out or laid back. Its confused , chaotic, turbulent and violent. Be that as it may I don't think that that is the spirit of Bangalore is 'lets run 10km' either.

Then why run? Since the ads don't see to give any helpful reasons let me attempt to list some -
1. It is healthy: The health benefits of walking and running are well documented. You could run about on your own you say- why run the Marathon?. Well why not- Where else will you find people offering you water and liquid breaks every few kilometers? Don't you feel way less stupid doing something 100s of people are doing. It is also very very boring to run on your own.

2. It is a theater for heroism: Everybody can do it, and also feel extraordinarily virtuous at having done it. You can tell people that you finished a marathon and feel like you are rajnikanth.

3. Fun participatory event- it will be fun. there will be people in costumes and music(?) and other fun things I bet

And to quote George Mallory - because its there.
(and its a lot easier than scaling mount everest)

Shopping-II

2009-04-13T17:36:00.002+05:30

I have already told you how much I hate shopping. Now I will give you Bangalore Shopping Guide (only clothes)- from viewpoint of one who wants to be done with shopping quickly. (No I lie. Once I get out to shop I will spend forever, conflicted between two exact same tops one costing Rs. 50 and the other Rs 5000..... easy decision u say? No. I would have to spent one hour trying to get the catch, will fail and eventually buy the Rs 50 one to discover that it was actually kids shorts or something. I actually do own one kids nehru jacket that I wore as sleeveless top with jeans for longest time- you could wear it inside out also- two colours. Of course I dint realize it was kids nehru jacket till I went back and saw it displayed one boy sized mannequin. It would have been a cool mistake if I had done it intentionally I dint). Ok long ramble in parenthesis later- I will give you Bangalore Shopping Guide from perspective of person who wants very badly to be a quick shopper- but will fail.

So what does Bangalore offer to the shopper?

Malls malls and more malls - The Garuda/ Forum variety: There is usually not much to differentiate one mall from the other so mostly decision should be based on distance from you. These malls will have everything including one westside, one shopperstop, one or two high end stores, one roller coster plus bowling arcade plus house of horrors plus African tiger safari.
(quick quiz: which of the above does forum/garuda actually have? quick quiz 2: Do african tigers exist?) - so this seems like the best bet. The added attactions of food courts and beauty salons and nail parlours offer comforting distractions from tasks at hand. Also- yaay restrooms!

Lido mall and Fun cinemas mall: These are the malls that are not really malls but cinema theaters with malls attached to them. They claim that they cater to a niche crowd. That is not you (the harried shopper) so give these a miss.

Bombay stores, Pantaloon, Lifestyle: Now if you are serious about your shopping mission, it might make sense to skip the Garuda/Forum type mall and attack this kind. There are no food courts, no person doing cartwheels, no cinema theater to distract you. It is also less crowded since everyone else is in another mall to watch cartwheels or african tigers. However - changing rooms are fewer and less comfy and if you don't like anything there you are going to have to walk all the way to one of the other places in the list. And yes yaay! restrooms

Commercial Street: Commercial Street is fun. It is unlikely that any productive shopping will get done, but you can walk about in the open, no ac, no tinkly music. You can eat popcorn, blow bubbles, pop into Bhagatram, eat gulab jamoon, peer into stores and cluck cluck about rubbish people will wear, then you will reach Fab India where you will pick up two items that will fade and be demoted to dish rags in exactly 2.3 months and then you will reach westside where you will pick up one more item that you will give your maid in 4.3 months and you are done.

Brigade Road: This is silly. I don't know why you would shop here. It will be crazy crowded and you will have to walk from branded store to branded store and be stared at and clucked at by all manner of sales peoples. On the other hand like commercial street you can walk in the open minus ac and tinkly music and you could get lost in the bookstores and realise that you were a very shallow person for having thought you needed clothes in the first place.

Malleswaram 8th cross and/or Sampige road: Again no tinkly music, but you will wish you had AC. There are tons of stores to chose from.You have the shops where you can haggle and ac branded stores- where you don't. You have to be prepared to walk about laden with bags and deal with honking traffic and crowded pavements. While food options are many, they will require jostling and pushing and yelling orders. (Ok I lie. Again. These days you have lines and coupons. It is only more depressing). Also sales peoples in Malleswaram brand outlets are a little more bored and a little more determined to make you wait longer than their counterparts in "town" and the yelling screaming haggling shop peoples are little more vicious and persuasive than their counterparts anywhere.

If you are a sensible person you will stay at home and stitch your own clothes.

Shopping

2009-04-10T12:20:00.005+05:30

I don't like shopping. This dislike has grown gradually. Shopping for books and movies are ok but shopping for appliances, jewelry, clothes not so great. Id love things to be magically delivered once I have imagined what I want. Shopping for clothes is most annoying. It is also something I need to do. Now. Everything I own is worn out, stained, torn or something. Also I like new things, I like clothes, I like shoes, I like jewelry- I just hate shopping for them.

I dint always hate it. When I was younger, it was an event/activity -some two three of us girls would get together wheedle our parents out of some money and go "shopping". We would call and plan ahead -"lets go shopping on next next Saturday" It was not so bad then - limited money meant limited items which meant there was a finite end. Once you bought something game over. No wondering if you should buy something else to go with this and so on. Back then I I also knew what I wanted -(whatever the other girl was going to buy). I could buy anything - as long as it was "fun". When I shop now- I have to wonder where and how I would use the item. Could I wear it to office? Would it also suit a family function? an office get- together, a non office get together? Is it better to buy one item that is a not perfect but probable for 2 different purposes or buy one really good item that is perfect for only one purpose/location?
See? Nightmarish. Back then parents would have stocked up on enough appropriate clothes for occasions. Now shopping is no fun, it is a chore. The other big problem- nothing fits. Everything is too lose or too tight and does the shirt wrinkle funnily when I bend so and is the gap between the buttons too large and will it last. (will it last is very important- because I don't want to do this whole exercise all over again in another two months).

These days I have a systematic approach for shopping like I do for chores, I venture out alone. (I don't want to deal with other people's 'does this make my butt look big?' 'Is this wearable to office AND can I take it camping in overgrownmale forest?'). I make list of items I need. I will first go to a Westside or Shoppers Stop and then hate everything there. (They all look like the stitches are coming apart and 3000 people will own whatever I buy) . I will then defiantly walk out and go to one or two more expensive stores, cluck cluck at the prices and then rush back to the Shoppers Stop or Westside pick up something that was not on my list to begin with but is cheaper and multi purpose. Ill stare at it resentfully till its time to go shopping again.

In next post- Bangalore shopping guide.

ON TV

2009-04-08T16:25:00.014+05:30

Well not TV really, but DVD. I have been watching the eccentric and refined Belgian detective and it is really bloody good fun. It is not the mystery or the whodunit suspense , since I usually know who the murderer/thief is after the first few scenes (having read most of the books). It is fun nonetheless because it is crisp, because of the quaint language, and because of David Suchets portrayal of Poirot. David Suchet as Poirot is charming and shrewd while retaining Poirots dandy-ness and fussiness.

There have been other on screen appearances of Poirot by actors Austin Trevor (played Poirot in Alibi and Black Coffee), and Albert Finney ( played Poirot in Murder on the Orient Express) . I read that Agatha Christie gave her stamp of approval to Albert Finney's Poirot. He was even nominated for an Oscar and was considered by many as the definitive Poirot. I don't agree- too well built. What do you think? (and he looks just a little bit like Kamal Hassan no?)

Albert Finney as Poirot

Peter Ustinov also played Poirot a total of six times, (He played Poirot in Evil under the Sun -this one has been on TV often). In my opinion he was least like Poirot, being tall and grey haired. Just look at him-

Peter Ustinov as Poirot

David Suchet is the closest to the Poirot I had imagined from the books. He has all Poirot's key characteristics that find their way into all the books - his egg shaped head, his luxurious black moustaches and always being neat and impeccably dressed. Agatha Christie in The Murder on the Orient Express describes Poirot as a "small lean man" David Suchet is anything but lean, but somehow I have never thought of Poirot as lean, considering his elaborate meals and hot chocolate - lean does not fit with Poirot.

David Suchet as Poirot

The actor who plays Hastings is - right amount of bumbling but not in a slapstick obvious kind of way. Similarly Inspector Japp is also the right amount of clueless.

All the performances hit just the right key. Tonight I will find out what happened to Prince Farouq' ruby when he foolishly lets his date wear it and she simply walks away with it.

Feeling hot hot hot

2009-04-08T14:55:00.004+05:30

Bangalore seems to be getting hotter and hotter by the day. Oh yes I say this every year. I am officially an old person. Anyway it is my duty as Banglorean to be worried about the weather. Everyone is paranoid about the weather what with the scientists worrying about the temperature rise on the moon (it was 3-4 months ago) and the everyday bangalorean worried about the city turning into an urban heat island (UHI) (apparently abbreviations sound more scientific).
The Met dept recorded a temperature of 37 degrees and apparently it is the hottest day in the last 4 years. Excitingly they predict it will only get hotter. So yes Bangalore is getting hotter...or maybe not..bikerdude will no doubt dig out some statistics to show that the it was actually hot only in 1901 or something- the point is that its hot. So what to do?
1. drink lots of water, and coconut water, and majjige, and juice.
2. stay indoors in the afternoon if possible
3. wear deo (wear it even i its not summer)
4. wear cotton. bring out all your itsy bitsy clothes
5. wash face neck often. at least splash with water time to time
6. down on make up

Anyway soon it will rain rain rain and happy joy and we can all crib about flooded roads and clothes having to be hung up to dry inside the house. I wish it would hurry up.

Weekly wanderings

2009-04-07T18:34:00.018+05:30

What have I been doing? Nothing much , watching movies (mostly forgettable- confessions of a shopaholic -terrible) and the random check to see if Bangalore nightlife has returned (which dint disappoint so much this time) and watching loads of sitcoms.

Watchmen

Whatay movie. Both Awesome and Aiyoo Rama. Contradictory you say? What else do you say about a movie that has superheroes who do bad things but are yet superheros, superheroes who have relationship troubles, the weight of too many superpowers and high maintenances girlfriends on their nuked blue shoulder.
While the movie is brilliant at times it seems like it is a little pretentious and thinks it is above its own genre. All right superheroes can be complicated and have their troubles on the side, but there is also much to be said for the superheroes who go around bashing criminals for most o the movie as opposed to having sex and long philosophical discussions on mars.

The movie is definitely worth a watch. Information, stories, back stories, twists are simply thrown at you the first 40 minutes or so, daring you to catch up, and creating a dense storytelling, which is thoroughly enjoyable. Then, when it has reeled you in the movie settles down into a somewhat more traditional narration. Each scene is spectacular. It is strong vibrant visual story telling. So yes Watch Watchmen.
And I will go read the book- no comic- no graphic novel.

Beach

Yes I am aware Bangalore is landlocked. Still some people pining for sun,sand and fun, created a pub/bar/club/restaurant called it the beach and filled up the floor with sand, and expected it to fill up with bangloreans who wouldn't know the difference anyway. I always thought Beach was a monumentally silly idea, but hey suprise suprise its quite fun. First I went to Fuga hoping some page 3 coolness will rub off on me but it was deader than what really really dead is. So onwards to beach which had greenish bouncy lights and people dancing. yaaay.
I believe that they have some sunset grooves party every sunday 3:00p.m- 6:00p.m. Yaay madhyana party! the kind we used to have when you had permission to stay out of home only till dinner and when you went to bunkers to order a small vodka and split that with a friend. You dint do that? Well neither did I.

Pub crawl

Went on a truncated pub crawl but totally awesomely worth it. From the springy benches of styx (that we dint sit in) to the uber blue tinted coolness of nasa (the loos are also space themed and your waiters are captains and the cocktails are insane -insanely named and priced at least zero gravity will cost you some 250 bucks) and pecos.

What is wonderful about hopping from shady pub to shady pub in bangalore is that you can walk from one to another yaaay! An excellent way to spend a Bangalore evening.

More events as and when I remember them.

The post title doesnt make sense? I know.

Female Indian Villan

2009-02-28T15:22:00.013+05:30

I read a post on another blog (that I cant remember now and when I do I will link it) about female villains of how Glenn Close is an awesome female villain.

Usually being a female villain is no fun, especially on TV, and even in some movies. You have to wear terrible make up and plot all day about how to make life more difficult for your bahu, adopted daughter, step daughter having to create torture devices with items like tea, jhaadu, etc. Their male villain companions are also disappointing and fickle, always ditching the female villain while trying to escape or the male villains turn righteous in the end and give long homilies about women and their place.

(I know I know some of the ladies above may actually be the ‘good guys’ but they look villainous to me)

The female villains usually don't get armies of flunkies, or tanks of liquid oxygen, or other diabolical torture devices involving electricity and glittering button panels. Those belong to the male villains alone. The female villains are allowed to dress as eccentrically and as ridiculously as the male villains though. Remember Rohini hattangadi Chaalbaaz?

There other kind of female villain to be- is the super hot one- the one who is either a. oversexed narcissist b. over sexed ball breaker c. over sexed manipulator (kaikeyi/macbeth-take your pick). This villain has a little bit more fun than the make up caked domestic trouble maker above- cos she gets around, she sleeps around. She is everywhere- in the office, in her skimpy clothes, trying to get that young fellow to sleep with her. She is sunning in the islands in her bikini plotting to bump off her rich husband. She is obsessive crazy and has only one thing on her mind- Evil (why what did you think I was going to say?)

What I like about female villains is that they are ruled completely by their villainous desires. There is no grey, no difficult childhood, no trauma of watching father getting murdered that turned them into psycho revenge seekers, no political power play happening.
In her intent to do evil, the female villain of today is somewhat like the male villain of long ago like Mogambo and Gabbar who were probably born plotting who they'd rape and which village to terrorize. However Gabbar and Mogambo's had armies and mansions and private nations they ruled, while our female villains have to just do all the bad work themselves- and on a much smaller scale too- no nations to blow up just marriages to break.

This not to say that there have not been regular people female villains treading the line between the super ridiculous and super hot. They are just regular people, who just happen to be villany- like - there is Kajol in Gupt, Tabu in Maqbool . However, they are too few and too far in between.

The male villain seems to be getting more complicated and less stereo typically evil -like John Abraham in Dhoom and Hritik Roshan in Dhoom- 2, Saif as Cyrus in Being Cyrus, and as Langda Tyagi in Omkara. Akshay Kumar, Emraan Hashmi have also started playign a new brand of villain who is evil all right but has 'layers'. So, its upto to the ladies to hold up the flag for being Evil for the sake of Evil. I would love to see Mad Scientist Evil Female Villain, or just evil evil corrupt politician female villain.

Ladies- you can be good or bad- you just cant be complicated.

PS: I actually started this post wantign to blog about my all time favorite female villain- Ramya- as Nilambri in Padayappa but got sidetracked. Next post- on Nilambri.

:(

2009-02-26T15:52:00.004+05:30

Hindu newspaper article: Random attacks on young women- Bangalore.
http://www.hindu.com/2009/02/26/stories/2009022658410300.htm

Story of one such Attack -
http://www.babajob.com/person.htm?user=10041

Blogpost doing the rounds via emails about attack in resthouse road-
http://vishshanker.sulekha.com/blog/post/2009/02/this-happened-in-bangalore-bengaluru-shocking.htm

and what to do?-
Maybe some answers here

How

2009-02-26T09:48:00.001+05:30

is it that this mobile phone survives being swallowed and shat out by a buffalo while mine dies in shallow fake pond/pool?

silly 6

2009-02-25T17:41:00.002+05:30

Ponderings:

- is masakali a dove or a pigeon- she(he?) looks like a dove, but have heard it was supposed to be a pigeon edited to add: I have been told masakali is dove- but what i want to know is what masakali is in movie- is it dove playing pigeon? or is it dove playing dove? I cant remember -but i think someone called masakali kabootar in movie

- why patti waheeda rahman has no relatives/siblings/cousins in delhi? only nosy neighbors

- why sonam kapoor, is so annoying despite being very pretty. Is it the 'feather' haircut?

- why abhishek bachan has been cast as roshan, despite being so annoying?

- which monkey gave better performance- abhishek in gems type button monkey suit or camera on steroids jumping to crazy janga wanga woiza toiza music?

- abhishek bachan/roshan fellow has no job? He can take long undefined leave at moments notice...never has to call back boss, check work mails nothing. Maybe he is student?

- why abhishek bachan/roshan fellow keeps going round and round chandini chowk and not hanging out pubbing and clubbing in CP- which I think he'll like better.

- why abhishek bachan/roshan fellow could not ditch that stupid phone and get a proper digi cam, now that they are quite affordable.

- why abhishek roshan would fall in love with Bittu/sonam, why would sonam/bittu fall in love with abhishek/roshan

-why wahedda rahman patti is lighting a lamp when abhishek/roshan is being beaten to death in monkey suit

- isnt is nice that nobody actually dies, despite so much talk of dying peoples.

Kancheepuram shines and fab india fades

2008-10-22T12:44:00.001+05:30

I finally did it. I accompanied amma to a carnatic music concert.

A brief trip with her to madras during the music season had left me somewhat scarred. While all the concerts were superb - my impressionable soul was scarred by the appearance of previously unknown extend clan members such as chinna thatha's mudal ponnu,* T nagar pattu teacher**, Kotturpuram mele veedu mami***, periama's US naathnaar**** - all kancheepuram saree clad and immediately appraised of my age, my gothram, my ability to cook (or not cook- depending if she felt close enough to the person in question to admit my deficiencies), my inability to sing but ability to appreciate music. This would be followed by an interrogation by kancheepuram maamis- skillfully ranging from - which ragaam did I most appreciate, -what I thought of the singer, -if i could adjust to life abroad, -whether I planned to let my hair grow,- did I notice the singer falter in her second composition? All of which I has no response for - the degree and intensity of the swaying of some music academy type ancient person's head in the audience was my measure for whether something was good or bad.

It was very traumatic and filed away to be revived to cheer myself up after particularly bad vivas or RCC interviews. They were a piece of cake compared to music season kancheepuram maamis.

So I went with some trepidation to Good shepherd's auditorium in Bangalore to hear Nithyashree sing. We dint run into one acquaintance and while the regular mamas and and maamis were there, they seemed somewhat disprited, the kancheepurams a we bit less shiny, and the kancheepurams looked anxiously around them at the long haired boys and girls in fab india faded kutras jute bags and digital cameras. I even saw a girl in a business suit- pants shirt a blazer -in plaid. I saw some short skirts and someone in something that resembled a fur jacket. It was very disconcerting - watching the energetic and eager fab india kurta clad music listeners or office wear clad music listeners who turned up apparently simply to listen to music and did not have on their agenda to find their long lost yet very close family friends and pounce on unsuspecting your girls and boys and size up their potential. I unconsciously found myself checking to see if my pottu was in place and gave a loud sniff when a knee length cargo clad bald boy hurried to find his seat- reaffirming my kinship to kanjeepuram maamis.

(I promise not to turn into one of them tho)

post about actual concert coming up.

*chinna thatha's mudal ponnu, - grandfather's younger brothers eldest daughter
**T nagar pattu teacher- music teacher from T Nagar
*** Kotturpuram mele veedu mami- the lady who lives on the top floor in Kotturpuram
****periama's US naathnaar - mother's sister's sister in law who now lives in the US.

Cross Posting

2008-08-21T11:40:00.001+05:30

go see my post on riffcafe

http://riffcafe.blogspot.com/

.

Angst

2008-08-14T14:31:00.001+05:30

Had a conversation with the a friend today who remarked in a rather conversational manner how all of us were so interchangeable. Well you know who the "us" my friend is referring to don't you? Well, its us -the ones who want to take up travel journalism, or work with children, or take up designing and give up our high paying jobs. To be wealthy and to do be good at whatever is making you wealthy just does not cut it. The us- the ones who are jaded, who laugh when somebody says that a long chat later they discovered they were in love, the ones who also moan about how we will never find that love we laugh at precisely because we laugh at it. The ones who just have too much work but are too numbed by it for it to be enjoyable. The ones whose idea of socialization means a drink and certain kind of music and maybe certain kinds of movies. The us who cannot have any other activities besides our jobs in our life- not even families, and are constantly vaguely unhappy knowing there is something more out there.

Well I think its all bollocks. Well not ALL bollocks but some bollocks. I think that this angst/discontent is a sort of social visiting card. Something that you hand out to other people you meet that says - hi i am a young working professional, working at[insert law firm name/financial institution name/consulting firm name], and (in most cases) live by myself in [insert big city] and (in some cases- ok few cases) lets do each other or (as in most other cases) lets go get a drink and hang out.

I agree most of the set may in fact be sad or discontent or angsty or frustrated - but not this homogeneously angsty or discontent. I am sure beneath the required amount of angst to classify one's social set there are genuinely happy or sad or excited or childish or mature people who are uniquely unhappy or discontent

To quote Big Feet (who in turn quoted Tolstoy) : every sad story is different. every happy story is the same

Cool Cousin

2008-08-07T18:57:00.000+05:30

Did everybody have one? The same sex cool cousin? Or is it just a girl thing?

I know that most girls had a cool older female cousin.

I had an older cool cousin who was actually a cousin-aunt i.e she was my fathers cousin. However those were the times when my grandmother and her mother were procreating more or less simultaneously, therefore my grand uncle was more a brother to my father and my grand uncle’s children were more of our (i.e brother and me) cousins rather than our aunts or uncles.

There was a good 8 year age gap between me and Cool Cousin and a 12 year age gap between me and her also cool older brother. My Cool Cousin naturally developed an easy camaraderie with my brother who was only 4 years younger than her, rather than with me -I was an annoying and childish and bull headed and an unshakeable tag along.

However to my 10 year old mind, the 18 year Cool Cousin was naturally the coolest- a source of both inspiration and envy. We would have our bi annual or so visit to Chennai to visit our grandparents and therefore also our cousins. Most of the other cousins were either too old or as yet unborn for us to bond with and therefore this pair of cousins i.e Cool Cousin and her older brother (really our fathers cousins) became our favorite cousins.

I would at once try to be adult (to match her cool 18 year old) and a baby (to be coddled and baby-ed by her 22 yr old brother) resulting in a curious and most times frustratingly annoying mish mash of persons. I would want to wear her clothes, her shoes, her jewelery, hang out with her every minute of the day which she smilingly and uncomplainingly let me do, even though she’d much rather gossip or play games with my older brother. I would follow her around getting into her clothes, ruining her shoes, insisting she used all her make up on me which I would invariably ruin, and play with me me and only me (the unsaid is me to the exclusion of my brother), while at the same time howling and screaming when she joined me when I was quietly playing my childish and imaginary games by myself. (Her favorite story is how I bawled and screamed because she sat on my imaginary invisible container of rasam and thereby ruining the imaginary feast I had prepared). I wanted her very much to include me in that 18 year old world she inhabited – the world with best friends who are not your parents, the world with secrets and giggling and words 10 year olds don’t understand (im not talking about the naughty ones but the words like cool, groovy and lyrics to english songs). However it was impossible for her to share this world with an 10 year old who screamed at imaginary rasams being spilled. To add to it all there was my brother, who firmly believed that I was definitely not part of that world and though he may not be 18, he was certainly 14 and certainly closer to her cool 18 year old world and sneered with disdain at my pathetic 10 year old world. Being in a world that your sister inhabits is probably the heights of uncool for a 14 year old boy. So he would try to drag her away for games and movies and such like muttering resentfully at my determined tagging along. Cool Cousin of course laughingly let us tail her around. I was after all her ‘cute lil baby cousin’ (yech! I dint want to be the baby!) and my brother was fun near her age playmate, all the while completely unaware of our internal shoving and pushing to be granted the cool points by her. My brother invariably gained the cool points simply by virtue of knowing the right movies and the right games, leading me to form an alliance with her older brother. He would much rather play and kid around with me that spend time with his so uncool sister. She would be much pained by this elder brother defection as I would be by the defection of my own. My brother would always take her side while hers would take mine.

And the growing up years and vacations went by. School go-ers became college go-ers. And college go-ers became fresh members of the working force. Bi annual vacations disappeared. Cousins got married, cousins moved abroad, new cousins were born. Brothers and sisters grew up and learnt that they had far more in common than parents. My younger counsin in Chennai demands that I find for her multi coloured hair bands that I sometimes wear along with platform shoes and insists next time I am in Chennai, I make time to go to the new cool coffee day by the beach where she and her grown up crowd ‘hang’ and rolls her eyes as her younger sister gabs hysterical rubbish about dolls and balls and tries to grab the phone from her elder sister to tell me all about them.

Music Album Tag

2008-07-16T22:11:00.000+05:30

Inspired by M, I am tackling the very difficult if you were a music album tag....

Rules of the tag: Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song ( or a couple) that aptly describe those situations in your life.

Opening credits: Snap- I've got the power - (OK all right id like to think so)

Waking up: The same? Opening credits as waking up.

Average day: Vogues - 5 o clock world

First date: hmm whats that? but well maybe Buddy Holly - Dearest

Falling in love: Elcis Presly - Can’t help falling in love

Fighting scene: Black eyed peas- Shut Up

Breaking up: Puddle of mud - She hates me/ Air Supply -without you :P

Getting back together: hmm cant really think of one ....but I rem from the movie Bridget Jones this song made a great oh yaay reunited song Mavin Gaye- Ain't no mountain high enough In the same spirit Starship- Nothings gonna stops us now Or in another spirit Deep Blue something- Breakfast at Tiffany's

Secret love: Always with you always with me - Joe Satriani/ jhuki jhuki si nazaar- from aarth (tho its more shy love that secret love)

Life’s ok: Don't worry be happy/ Allah ke bande

Mental Breakdown: ??? beck- devil's haircut

Driving: I don't drive but I imagine if I did- Deep purple - highway star/ Cruisin ‘ - Huey Lewis & Gwyneth Paltrow / Man yeh baawraa - from hazzaron kwaishien aisi (the you tube link starts off at some weird place - jump ahead)

Learning a lesson: / New Kid in Town - Eagles / Tumse naraaz nahi hain - masoom

Deep thought: aaahh??? i cant think of a deep thought song!!! all songs are deep thought actually. no? yes?

Flashback: ehhh

Partying: Pink- Get this party started/ My Sharona -Knack

Happy Dance: Footloose

Regretting: Bruce springsteen- brilliant disguise Ok maybe its not such a regret song but well I think it fits

Long night alone: Lonely is the night - Air Supply

Death Scene: blaze of glory? / last kiss -pearl jam ( depending on how one is dying)

Closing Credits: peaceful east feeling- eagles

booty shaking in bangalore

2008-06-30T14:30:00.001+05:30

It seems bangalore is hip and happening again with curfews for pubs/clubs being sneakily extended (without any official sanctions of course) and clubs becoming little braver about letting people dance in their establishments.
(Earlier they would rush up to you and ask you to please sit down lest the mean old uncle from excise department should make his routine surprise visit and bust them)

So off I went to claim my share of the party bounties being distributed......Whatay bounty it was... So we went to the club at a fashionably (though not intentionally) late hour of 10:30 and found it packed! The crowd at the door made me take a deep breath before I jumped in and waded my way across. Once we were in we seemed to be on some kind of unofficial railway track with trains of people who we back wanting to go front and ones that were front wanting to go back. As people kept shoving and pushing past me to go front, I wondered where the people thought they were going. As far as I could see there was just a wall of people ahead and no room for anymore. Then of course I noticed the trains of people pushing and shoving Small to make their way from the front to the back....Clearly some much evolved mysterious communication/synchronization was taking place ensured that people could just keep pouring in and in and in while the dimensions of the rooms remained the same. Mysterious and great powers at work I say.

But doesn't this happen to all of you? It does to me. Anytime I am in a club I am always 'in the way' no matter where I place myself.

We all settled into our allotted two square centimeters and proceeded to shake our booty....all of us adopting our trade mark stances... first Apps -the boxer: feet apart, clenched fists held close to the body as if to defensively ward of blows and moving shoulders rhythmically front and backward to indicate that this passes off as dancing, second Tic Tic -Stevie wonder cum karate kid: palms straight, held in karate style in front of face, while unrelatedly the head bobs left and right ala stevie wonder/other blind musician, the third person -Small is a little perturbed that space is too small even for her but quickly recovers to her standard beggar person stand: hand upturned and swaying in front of face.

As we hipped and hopped and trying desperately to be the new level of cool in the club, in walked three cricketers upping the cool quotient to an unimaginable level. Camera phones were whipped out. DJs decided to change the genre of the music (come on lets have some some punjabi for bhajjii!!! woooo!!) . I desperately failed in being 'with it' by informing people who told me Kaif was there, that it was a in fact a fosters promotion not kingfisher. ( Kaif -K F getit ? oh nevermind ).
Then I finally managed to absorb that green shirt was Kaif red one-zaheer , turban -harbhajan (tho that I knew already) and with that information processed proceeded to jiggy with the cricketers. (so what if they dint know it?)

We are the only place in bangalore that can open later that 11:30!!! whooped the DJ enthusiastically. Groan I want to be in bed at 11:30 I thought mournfully concerned for my creaking bones and aging muscles. This curfew makes you soft and when they sneakily spring these extended times, it catches you unawares and unprepared. A drooping Small and and collapsing me finally managed to drag an impervious Apps and heroically enthusiastic Tic Tic out of the place and proceeded to Empire where Tic Tic made us climb 4 maybe 5, maybe 6 maybe a zillion floors to the roof of empire to fill our starving selves. Small nearly collapsed and got eaten in the long journey to the roof. Unfortunately she made it and we ate grilled chicken instead.

Full and danced out we returned tired and sweaty and cigarette smelly, crashing into our beds happily albeit soberly.

If you wanna run cool .......you gotta run on heavy heavy fuel.....

what a crappy world

2008-06-19T12:39:00.000+05:30

This is inspired directly from CBM's what a wonderful world.

I am glad CBM is happy as are many other people by the Majestisity and beauty and clean-ness of the monsoon.

But I am not. And I live in Bangalore, so the rains aren't even causing the trauma of being marooned or catching diseases caused by rat urine and overflowing drainage ditches

Still its dark and gloomy and frizzes up hair and its cold and my feet have turned into ice which i hate hate hate....clothes are put out to dry inside the house. Clothes smell...the house smells...everything is wet.

basically im grumpy.
gaaah
Listing out some rain songs- is it a coincidence all of them are sad...or wistful ..... or melancholy...or whatever
A-Ha- Crying in the rain
Madonna- Rain
Blind melon- No rain
grateful dead -Box of rain
CCR- have u ever seen the rain

Edited to add: Now CBM is grumpy too...evil eye!

IMing

2008-06-03T18:46:00.000+05:30

There is something about instant messaging.....
It makes you say ''hi wassup'' to people you dont normally talk to

You can have long conversations that you would never have if you just walked up to someone's desk (how long and in how many ways can you sit on someones desk and say one of the two: ïm bored, i am hungry- thats my two main IM subjects)

The best part is that you believe you are only multi tasking - talking AND working you see. (ya right! I have had whats up sent at 10:30 that dragged into a conversation that lasted till mid afternoon- it could never happen in a non IM space)

But what to make of this strange communication medium? I dont know if I quite approve or disapprove.

I do know I have used it extensively- to express boredom and hunger as mentioned earlier, but also to receive a quick response to jabber into the phone responding to irate or annoying clients/vendors, to source drafts to be converted into agreement by the end of the day, long philosophical discussions on the life and the universe, for prompt unscientific surveys, for whining, for advice, for venting ranting, bitching, or after work plan making.

I also do know Ive used every conceivable mode of communication it offers, through status msgs and pictures and smiley faces.

But despite its comfort and ease of use and utility in keeping track of people/friends all over the place it still smacks of a little sadness.

So we are bound to our desks and chairs and computers. There is no going out and meeting new people anymore? There is no long soulful engagement with questions of the life and universe on top of a water tank on a terrace. There is no whining and venting with hugs (real ones not *hug*), theres no need for hushed whispering so you are not overheard

Sigh.

Not funny

2008-05-24T17:21:00.000+05:30

Today has been a very educational day on the internet. First I saw this site- menarebetterthanwomen.com

Sounds funny? Sure… why not….even though I am a woman?….why not… surely I can take a joke about my gender and any funny amusing sterotype.

What about this excerpt from the humour website?

"....its a a compromise for what a woman really wants to do — which is cut your dick off. The problem with women is that no one can read their minds because their minds are written with shit on shit.

In other words, women are shit heads.

Women are also shit projectors. They assume everyone is out to screw them because they themselves are out to screw everyone. That’s what happens when you have a vagina and no skills. You have to screw to get by.”

Whats funny about the above paragraphs? What if i rephared it a little?

“Men are shit heads. Men are also shit projectors. Thats what happens when you have a dick and no skills. You have screw to make youself feel like you are any good”

Haha. Funny men? Are we laughing ladies? No I don’t think so. I just don’t get what is funny.

Then to top it off I saw this and this.

Hahaha

The first link is melissa: Melissa is a pencil sharpner and a headless woamn nailed to the floor while pencil are stuck into her behind.

The second link is Lusty Linda: Lusty Linda is a pen stand. When u stick a pen she will moan and groan and say upto 10 different things including 'ouch' and 'help help'

Is this funny? How come we don’t have toys with men nailed down on all fours with things being stuck into them?

This stuff is not funny. It is offensive. Rape is not funny. Violence against women is not funny. Jokes about violence is not funny, toys about violence is not funny. If you find these jokes funny you are promoting violence. This is not ribald humour or risqué humour or black humour. By laughing at these jokes/objects you are promoting the people who actually hate women.

Here is an excerp t from another blog that says what I am trying to much better. Please go read the entire piece.

“ ‘Cause the thing is, you and the guys you hang out with may not really mean anything by it when you talk about crazy bitches and dumb sluts and heh-heh-I’d-hit-that….and she’s obviously only dressed like that because she wants to get laid……

I get that you don’t really mean that shit. I get that you’re just talking out your ass.

But please listen, and please trust me on this one: you have probably, at some point in your life, engaged in that kind of talk with a man who really, truly hates women–to the extent of having beaten and/or raped at least one. And you probably didn’t know which one he was.

And that guy? Thought you were on his side.”

Well if you dont hate women, get off the side of those who do.

Taggety tag

2008-05-20T17:34:00.000+05:30

What Book Are You Reading: Reading No onions or garlic- by srividya natarajan- its hilarious and brilliant...everybody read. before that read Puffball by Fay weldon - its creepy and brilliant. everybody please read. Also "Every Business is a growth business" :P daddy assigned reading.

Favourite Board Game: Scotland yard....tho noone ever plays with me anymore. Also Cluedo- but its become too easy now i loved it when i was 6).

Favourite Magazine: Cosmo? (Again international frieght weekly is getting read more often tho because of the daddy assigned reading business. He cuts out articles, xeroxes them, makes cute lil comments on them and sends them to me...come on how can i not read it?? :) )

Favorite Smells: Food (chicken kabab type and also cookies), soap on skin.

Favourite Sound: All music played on my comp, with me in charge of the playlist.

Worst Feeling in The World: So many different kind of bad feelings exist. Cant say which is worst

What Is the First Thing You Think of When You Wake? Oh god whats the time? am i late?

Favorite Fast Food Place: dont have any right now....eat only slow food. But KFC i think...if i ate there often.

Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd.. spend it on vacations and clothes and invest the rest.

Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal? Nope.

Storms-Cool Or Scary? Cool.

Favourite drink: Long island Iced Teas

Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Chance I Would ... sigh so many many things

If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice? I like it black.

What's Under Your Bed? A lot of bags with papers in them and old files. And a huge suitcase with woolens and another storing quilts.

Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again? Yes

Morning Person Or Night Owl? Both

Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up? ? Both i think...how are they different?

Favourite Place To Relax: balcony, bed, bars

Favourite Pie: Apple

Favourite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate. I also like the naturals flavours.

Happy M? now its ruma and cbm's turn

Fluff

2008-05-19T17:35:00.000+05:30

So I read this piece today- If you cannot be bothered clicking on the link - it is about a man complaining about how watching the new sex and the city movie is akin to poking one's eyes out with red-hot pokers, burning skin off, and rolling around in salt for a while.
(A man who has not seen the movie incidentally)

Really? That terrible? I realize that the show is about women with 'inside women jokes' but surely men get it? But then I think about being made to watch 3 hours of cricket or golf and can suddenly emphatise the poking and ripping one's skin off business.

(But what I am still puzzled about is that a lot of women seem to enjoy watching sports...or male oriented sitcoms or movies..don't even ask me what I mean by the term.... but I don't think a proportional number of men would enjoy a sex and the city.... but then again I don't know....there are no numbers for this sort of thing)

While why men hate chick lit/chick flicks and my theories on that itself can create a whole post, this one I think I will devote to understanding why I like chick flicks or chick lit.

(I cringe at using the very word itself. What is chick lit/flicks...books about women by women? Well those are not the kind i am referring to...I am referring to the happy feel goody warm Sunday afternoon stuff....I have read stuff by women for women like Fay Weldon or Maragret Atwood that are totally not warm or feel goody....... Ill be referring to the stuff I am talking about in this post as Fluff rather than give it a gender by calling it chick lit or chick flick. There is enough 'chick lit' thats not Fluff)

Truth be told most Fluff really really annoys me - I hated 'maid in manhattan' (ugh ugh...quick poll: how many people actually like that movie? chick or no chick?) Hated 'uve got mail' even more. Also hate pink colourful books where there is the heroine who spends first 25 pages fucking up, the next 25 being chased by two men both who have the answer to all her problems and the last 25 picking the nicer of the two and realising that she could solve all her problems by herself all along.

Then why this defense of fluff...cos I really do very deeply love Fluff. Good Fluff. Maid in manhattan, and uve got mail and the pink books all give Fluff a bad name.

Theres nothing like watching Roman holiday for the 100th time on an off day or a quick read of Bridget Jones to perk u up at the end of a brain dead day, or any John Cussack movie ( the ones where he is being cute and mushy, not pyscho. Cute as in serendipity or high fidelity (ha! guy chick flick!) and not psycho as in like his bit roll in con air and some random horror/slasher type flicks).

Sure its silly, sure its ridiculous, and defies reason and is repetitive and can be watched with your brain left behind. Sure its superflous, sure it promotes a slightly regressive agenda that says shopping is fun, shoes are nice, careers are showpieces for clothes, but the life can only be the sweetest with that handsome man sweeping u off into the sunset. (But comeon like rambo has impeccable logic and is a thought provoking film......I know this is no argument to promote Fluff appreciation but I am just saying though equally mindless and regressive action as a genre does not get the same kind of derision that Fluff does)

But hey, its fanatsy, its fiction. We know that. Sure life doesnt change when you have a makeover. There are no great sunsets. But heres what it is about Fluff:

- its easy. Its well defined. theres a formula, theres a pace, theres familiarity, even if it is escapist, it escapes along well known paths and corridors. You do not have to worry about plot twists or new ideas. Its relaxing. (Ironically this is often why the genre fails to be considered as a 'serious' one. And it’s a classic case of cultural snobbery: if it is good it should be hard to get - Not so. A good writer makes the labour of great writing appear effortless in the reading)

-its got style: I’m talking about shoes and clothes and ...more. The Fluff tone is stunning. Its fast, there are always funny one liners, dialogue is snappy, the sets are pretty. The music is almost always a hit and it is nice to look at . People in Fluff are always pretty

- its not always about shoes and clothes and men: really sometimes it can be fluffy but not shoes men - See confessions of a teenage drama queen. And yes Fluff does focus on shoes and clothes and men...but there is a lot more...witty commentary about the world we live in, interesting plots, the characters self discovery , tear inducing triumphs and laughter inducing falls.

- Its identifiable : Sure I have already acknowledged that it has creepy retro 'ride away with your man into sunset' agenda. Fluff has bad role models, Fluff is superflous and sells you shoes and clothes, Fluff reinforces media images of women and requires them to be thin, pretty obsessed about their weight, pine endlessly for that one true love. Sure sure I agree. Bad role model?- I agree. But one female character in a book or a movie is not a representation of the entire sex and the one charcter should have to bear the burden of speaking for women everywhere. (and she so does not claim to!!) But we understand this crazy shoe obsessed, weight obsessed flawed woman who would love to be carried away into sunset. There is a little briget jones in all of us.

and here I end my defence of fluff
Also see this and this and this all very nice pieces saying a lot more about Fluff and a whole lot better on both sides.

Crisises

2008-05-12T17:41:00.000+05:30

It was Friday night and I a whole long weekend of no plans to look forward to.

I was sitting in my car systematically messaging everybody in my contact list on my phone to make plans. Of course everybody was already at river lodges or out of town or being cool to want to accompany me to the movies or such like. But hey at least I was on my way for 'drinks' with a friend at that very moment.
(Of course the next day was elections so there was no place we could have drinks. My friend and I would find out and quickly reschedule another restaurant...and another...and another..... little knowing that almost any eatery/drinkery in that area was shut that day....we would discover it...in most exasperating circumstances)

As I resigned myself to a dullish slothful activityless weekend feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself, the bright brigade road lights not offering much comfort, I was startled out of my reverie to notice we were not moving. Even though the signal was green, even though we weren't in the middle of a traffic jam.

"Whats the problem?", I asked.

"The vehicle wont start", said my driver stating the obvious.
( yes I have a driver I dont know how to drive I am very ashamed of myself.....but I shamed myself further with what I did next)

"Dadeee the car has stop what do I do", I wailed into the phone (Seriously dude. I dint know what else to do. It was the middle of brigade MG road junction road. People were honking behind me. My friend was calling a million times...cos every place we wanted to go was shut, and also she was now being followed by a creepy boy)

" So you can, maybe, perhaps, consider, figure out yes? no?" stuttered and stammered my clueless father. "Get some people to help you and push it to the corner", he instructed shaking himself out of his confusion "Then we will see."

Einstein!

So i looked hither and thither in my most frail and helpless manner, wringing my hands, flicking my hair looking, hoping some big strong people would come and help me with this giant car and also tell me what to do next. My driver looked small and harried and jumped about also rather uselessly. A bunch of auto drivers looked at curiously and passively. "Dont bother us. If you ask us to help you we will laugh at you" their quite kind curious eyes seemed to say. Nevertheless we asked them and they laughed at us and we resumed looking harried and frail.

My driver dug out some old manual and spotted a helpline number. I called them from my mobile explained my predicament. They listened and offered helpful suggestions - PUSH the car and it will start.

No strong persons seemed to be available or on their way. So I pushed the car hardly expecting the scorpio to move but hallelujah it did!! and strong people did come to rescue . Well strong person. One man...half heartedly he helped me push the car. The car wouldnt start but was safely moved to one side of the road. We called the help line again who insisted we should just push hard enough.

"Enough is enough send a tow truck", I ordered. '
"No we will not call another garage", they replied. (They did kindly give me a number though).

So I called them. They other garage told us to push the car and see if it started. I told them I tried that they dint believe me. My driver told them we tried that and they believed him. Meanwhile my friend checked out each and every restaurant in the area, creepy boy in tow, found them all closed and decided that the only thing left to do was to collapse in a coffee shop and slurp iced teas till such time as I resolved my dilemma.

The rescuers arrived tow truck and all. But first they looked under the hood, inside the car, at the wheels and then...they got behind the car and gave it a giant push and of course it started! Except now it couldnt stop they said. If it did, it would not start again. So I gave my driver instructions to ride like the wind and not stop till he reached home where the problem could be safely handed over to dadee, while I went to collapse and slurp iced teas myself.

Give me an eventless weekend anyday

2008-05-09T11:50:00.000+05:30

the big haircut is coming....

Brain dead

2008-05-08T14:24:00.000+05:30

these days my brain has died

half formed words in my mouth have dried

its the heat i tell u, this summer- its too hot,

its fried my head, many tears have been shed, but so what

its still burning, boiling, my head is melting and so is my skin

im a puddle on the floor all melted and gross, im finished before i even begin

Porrutam* and the Monkey God

2008-04-20T23:17:00.000+05:30

*porruttam = compatibility
**anjaneya= hanuman
***periamma- literally translates into Big Mother but means mothers elder sister. In in my case literaaly BIG mother.
****jaadagam=horoscope
****Katcheri - live concerts(usually carnatic music) But in this case it was hindustani

Last weekend was a long restful weekend with both Saturday and Sunday work free. So Saturday was spent cleaning, and doing multiple chores around the house, fair amount of sleeping and television watching till brain turned into mush which surprisingly left mind and body refreshed and ready for the long Sunday ahead of me. What does one do with ones mother on a sunday?

A visit to the Anjaneya** temple it was. The temple is not far away from my house and my mother and I used to visit it frequently when I was a child. It was many years since I had been there and amma was understandably bored with Sunday plans that involved movies and shopping. (How else does one entertain mothers. Please give tips. Bizzarely she hates spas so those are out). So having kickstarted the anjaneya visit plan (and being forced to change into kurta salwar from jeans) amma and I were at the gate when periamma*** arrived at the gate huffing and puffing. We invited periamma in, helped her regain her composure with some cold badam milk (too hot for filter coffee) and we told her that we were just on our way to the temple.
"Perfect" she exclaimed. "that means there is full porrutam"

Amma and I looked at each other puzzled.

"I have a jaadagam****" she continued brandishing a white envelope touched with tumeric and rice paste on the edges "for our dear own mem here. And you were going to the temple too! Clearly the boy is perfect for her. Such a porrutam"

Amma started nodding in slow agreement while I continued to look skeptical. Perimma in response to my skeptical look gushed on "Anjaneya also. definite porrutam"

"Isn't Anjaneya a bhramachari? How does he increase porrutam? He advocates a lifetime of bachelor-ism" I asked.

Periamma was stumped for a moment "but he is big and strong" she countered feebly

"And also a monkey. So boy will also be like a monkey?" I asked.

"shiva shiva" chorused amma and periamma.

"Dont say things like that, you will never get married. Insulting the gods" admonished periamma and muttered something about what happened with Harbhajan and insulting words.

So we set off, amma, periamma and me to the anjaneya temple , did our archanams, pradakshinams. The aanjaneya seemed much smaller than I remembered. When I was younger i remembered it as a huge towering idol carved on a single piece of stone.

Periamma advised amma to place the envelope containing jaadagam at anjaneyas feet, which my amma ignored mainly to avoid the clamour in front of aajaneya.

We sat in the cool court yard for the customary 15 minutes, primarily for a wheezing periamma to recover her breath. She seems to find the shortest of walks quite an exertion these days.

"But i have both my children settled off. why do i need energy these days?" she asked giving amma a sidelong look of admonishment combined with an encouragement to follow her own example, when i commented on her short breathedness. "As long as I have enough breath to arrange your marriage too." she continued looking at my mother, "dont worry. ill take care of all this" she pointed dismissively at me. And in that moment the fact that they were sisters suddenly came into focus so strongly. They were as different as sisters could be. Periamma was usually cheerful while amma would be gloomy. Periamma stole money and cut classes and watched movies. Amma attended classes and took notes and got good marks. They recounted stories of their youth, who stoles whose silk skirt and made a hole in it, who tattled to mother about this and that.

After a pleasant fifteen twenty minutes in the cool coutyard with strains of some classical katcheri***** floating in the background, we made our way back squeezed in an auto which was reluctantly carrying us groaning on the uphill roads much like short breathed periamma. Meanwhile periamma seemed to have recovered her breath enough to tell me about the virtues of a boy with an MS degree and working in Bangalore and not balding and related to her son's in laws well to do siblings in the states. We stopped for ice cream at aavin and bought vadu mangas****** at the Hopcoms next door, periamma maintaining her continuous exposition of the boys merits stopping only for few sharp breaths undiscouraged by my silence and challenging it even with a shrewd "problem enna? love a? but it cant be true if its not turned into marriage no?' offering arguments and counter arguments, arguing herself into a state of confusion when my mother intervened and said "when time is ripe it will happen. after all its her own decision"

"No its not! somebody else has given the yes" triumphantly declared periamma much to my distress not unmixed with some curiosity and then added "its anjaneya's! he has said yes, I will execute" much like a arunachalam rajnikanth(if you dont get this reference i cannot even be bothered to explain it) "monkey like boy indeed!" she tutted and with that she clucked all the way back merrily to her home, fully energized by her get mem married project.

coimbatore kalyanam

2008-03-26T14:09:00.000+05:30

PART -III

The wedding...

....was not very spectacular except it was 5 in the morning and I have to post about it and get Coimbatore out of my system.

(read part 1 and 2 in the previous posts)

We arrived at 4:30 a.m (I am very scared of my aunt) - my mother and I properly silk saree-ed and gold jewelery-ied. We looked silly walking in that finery at 4:30 in the morning. My mother wanted kumar anna to walk with us to the mantabam. I put my foot down and poor office going kumar anna got to sleep a little longer. However it dint reduce the amount of jewelery my mother thought was mandatory minimum (earrings, one chain, one bangle- all having some gold/silver/precious stone). So we walked alone to the mantabam in all our finery.

There was no one there. A very sleepy looking groom (my cousin) on the stage. Both sets of parents(the bride and the grooms) were up and most uncles i.e my mothers siblings were up. Not one under age 50 person was awake - besides the groom. And me.

Anyway the kasi yatra/ mapalaiayyap was in progress. In this ritual the groom makes his merry way to lead the life of the bhramachari (bachelor). The brides father follows him and advise him to live the life of the grhastri (householder) and ask him to marry his young very available daughter. The groom then returns. I have always secretly hoped that at some wedding the groom will just walk on and choosing to screw the life of grhastri. It has never happened so far.

My cousin was off - well equipped with umbrella, a fan and some reading material (the vishnu sarsnamam). His father in law followed him out. Their interaction happened - in sanskrit. So the priest has to be there too feeding them both their lines. My cousin looked most silly holding the umbrella open at 5 in the morning- no rain no sun. Having acted out the little skit we all returned to the wedding hall. All this happens with great fan fare and the preist chanting things and so on. I elaborate because when i explained this ceremony to one of my friends he wanted to know if they groom and father in law just stepped out for a smoke and a chat and walked back in. No it does not happen like that. There are garlands and umbrellas and fans and fanfare.

Next was the malai mathu. 15 minutes of pure silliness but all of us went aww oooo and chuckle indulgently like its the cutest thing next to miniature kittens(which are just creepy). The groom tries to garland the bride while she is lifted, pulled, pushed by bunch of uncles and vice versa. In any case thankfully at a sleepy 5 o clock neither were my cousins relatives nor the brides relatives very enthusiastic about hoisting these two overweight 20 somethings on their shoulders and so just let them garland each other and be done with it.

Then they were led to the oonjal(swing) where the bride and groom sit. Tuneless aged relatives croon some songs - old favorites like gowri kalyanam and alai payuthe- tunes and words i havent been able to pick up even though i have been to a 10001 weddings by now. There is some part of me that will just never learn to sing gauri kalyanam. New favorites like alai payuthe which is reflected in mani ratnam movie titles i might imbibe. Old and older aunts (married aunts) touch the feet o the bride and grrom with milk and pour sweetened milk and banana into their outstreched hands. Then they will circle rice balls and throw them. After much cursing, heaving sighing, groaning and gasping, as the old and older aunts struggled with all the bending and (fondly wishing for the happier days when the bride was 6 and the groom was 10 and their feet would conveniently stick straight out of the swing) the bride and groom were finally led to the medai. (stage)

After some homam the bride was presented with her nine yard saree (ombodudgajam) and sent off to change into it and I had to scurry behind her. Of course as the groom's sister I am supposed to help her wear it. Obviously I dont know the first thing about ombodugajam's (as was later revealed to my aunts chagrin) so a grandmother was procured. They insisted I enter the room with the bride when she changed. There is no better ice breaker for chicks other than dressing together or visiting the loo. So we chatted while she was being disrobed and robed. Awkward yes but also a good ice breaker- really. I made subtle inquiries about other young eligible marriageable Coimbatore women, as my parents had been going on and on about a particular coimbatore girl they favoured for my brother. However- no luck - its seems everybody in coimbatore does not know each other. I returned disappointed with the ombodugajam-ed bride and deposited her on the medai. 'Her ombodugajam is backwards' hissed my aunt in my ear. 'what? really? it looks fine' i stuttered. After eliciting the name of the grandmother who was in charge of saree tying my aunt made her hasty way. The brides mother intervened and said everything was just perfectly tied thank you very much and if my aunt dint have such 'critical eyes' she would notice that everything was fine too. My aunt's eyes bulged, breath caught in her throat. She could not imagine that a 'boy's mother' could be treated with such little deference.

Meanwhile the experienced priest speeded up the proceedings and lo it was time for thali! -for THE ceremony- the kanyadanam and the one in which I had a good sized role. The father sat on the chair while his daughter sat on his lap. Many an aged father has struggled to keep an overwieght daughter on his lap - another relic of the times when the bride would be no older that 6 or 7 and would probably hop out and run away if not held firmly in her fathers lap. Anyway luckily my cousin's bride was thin and her father looked suitably healthy. My cousin towered over them tall and macho tied the thali around her neck (one knot- the other two were tied by me) under a rain of rice and flowers hurled at them as blessings. And it was over. I hung around uselessly my star role over and forgotten and a lil peeved at my time on stage being taken away- when that wonderful priest called and said thali katna kaikku edhadu koodongo (give somethign to the hand that tied that thali) and i was seated and handed a saree by the brides parents. It was pretty -orange and pink. ''Check if they have included blouse piece" hissed my aunt in my ear. I was happy. Of course if i was own sister i would have got maybe gold diamond what not. But this was ok for now.

The bride and groom continued with their very many other homams and ceremonies including the groom bending to put the toe ring on the bride's foot and the the seven steps. But i was off
towards my filter coffee and a nice full breakfast of vadias and pongals and sojjis and returned home to sleep.

(i returned again to the mntapam in the afternoon for lunch and many politicking and maami talk of 'appron? ava enai sona? idu kela di.... ponnu amma yenai kudutha? and so on but no i am not blogging about that)

end of coimbatore

coy in coimbatore- the Nitchyadhartham

2008-03-19T23:58:00.000+05:30

I went to Coimbatore. My cousin was getting married there. Getting to Coimbatore was something else. See previous post for full details.

This post is not about that

This post is about the wedding. The great fat tam bram wedding.
(To be honest tam bam weddings are not great or fat. Neither was this one. They are short and thin and scheduled at times so as to ensure the minimum number of guests)

Day 1 was the engagement ceremony. The engagement ceremony is short and sweet and can usually be conducted even without the bride and the groom. The parents get together, exchange gifts. i.e the girls side come bearing various things like fruits and nuts, a diamond ring or two, maybe a gold bracelet, ( these days even candy and it is arranged cutely to spell the names of the groom and the bride, maybe a heart if the parents are 'open' and not conservative - non conservative unfortunately also coincides with corny in most tam bram specimens). I am certain many other transactions take place a little less publicly. In exchange the boys side also produce some gift type items - among which is also a saree and depending on how much you liked the bride some jewelery things. Then the parents sign a contract and thats that. I have been in engagements where there is no boy and no grl, just the parents, engagements with girl and boy teleconferencing beaming happily through a laptop.

Anyway this engagement had both boy and girl.In such a situation the girl is presented with her gift type items including the saree at which point the sister of the groom is supposed to lead her away, help her tie her saree bring her back. Then she has to put sandalwood paste on her forehead and neck and so on. and usually in return for all this the sister gets a saree of her own presented by the girls parents. The idea is that the grooms sister, the brides sister in law is welcoming her into her new family. Now i was the sister in this case. I am the standard sister for most of my male cousins and have collected many sarees and know my role down pat. But alas, when the priest in the medai (stage) called out for the nathnar (sister in law) to appear - there was no sister in law, since i was in a bus or auto or taxi still making my tortuously slow way to Coimbatore. Of course a substitute sister was produced for my cousin, one of the many brides i had welcomed into the family with this routine earlier. My family and i trudged in shamelessly after the entire ceremony was over, me desperate for that cup of filter coffee denied to me after my long tiring journey to Coimbatore. (See prev post).

I was subject to the usual "So you are next tee hee hee" type inquiries. These were relatively easy to field and I don't understand why they ever bothered me earlier. The sort of stuff being thrown at me now was much harder faster and well aimed. ' u next -tee hee hee' is absolutely nothing- amatuer stuff. Now there was a 'u next?' followed with a 'why not?' if that was also sidestepped it would be followed with a blunt ' is there something wrong with you- like a disease or sexual orientation?' and the even more effective technique of ignoring me completely and laying the stress and responsibility on my parents. They turn to them look past me like i dont exist and ask "arent u looking" (i.e looking and for suitable brides and grooms for me and my brother), ensuring casually that it is understood by all that you are property and not a thing to be addressed. Now my father who dint want to come to this wedding in the first place (cos it was a sunday) and who also likes to be cool and non confirmy around my mothers relatives replies - thats that not the way 'our family' does things. In our family we discuss and take into consideration the views of our children and without their consent we dont look. He smiles superciliously for effect. Un detttered relatives badger on- but surely you as a father have some responsibility they point out. He smirks and with an attempt at hilarity says 'i have obtained a 'waiver' from both of them You see my daughter is a lawyer she has advised me on how to cover myself hahahaha' Relatives unamused by attempt at hilarity, unperturbed reference to daughter marriage market damaging education, undettered by smirky nature perster on ' but surely u owe a duty to us' they say. At this point my father is ready to tell them where they should shove their notion of his responsibility to them but my mothers consternation and dont u dare use this in my family versus your family score card shuts him up.

Meanwhile i get hotter and tired-er in my silk saree and my high heels (which were lovely and caused my grandfather to exclaim 'by god! how you have grown! so tall is so few months!' he proudly announced my growth spurt to several aunts and uncles) , still looking or that filter coffee. My aunt rounded on me en route my filter coffee search and gave me a good talking to for arriving too late to perform my sister duties and reminded me that I had better be there at 5:00 a.m the next day to ensure that i did my sisterly duties through the muhurtum as well.

Sigh. For the short amount of time i spent there Coimbatore was a very long trip

Detailed wedding post coming up.

careening in coimbatore

2008-03-19T16:46:00.000+05:30

I went to Coimbatore.

What an adventure it was.

We went there because of a wedding. My own mother's own aunt's own son. Of course all this own-ness meant we had to go but a 5:00 am muhurtum and a sunday wasted traveling suggested that maybe we werent that close anyway, despite the own-ness.

So after many 'shall we shall we nots' later (me and my father going shall not my mom going shall) we decided to go. Of course no train tickets were purchased, no air tickets too. So we would go by car. Meaning we got up at 6:30 (on a sunday) and were out of the house by 7:30. My father who likes being the planner/executor in trips (a role he believes he carries with great style; the rest of us just love him too much to tell me what he does actually carry- bags) decided we would take the 'veerappan route'. This was the scenic route, the road less traveled (with reason - earlier it was roamed by veerappan; these days its because the roads are just bad- and there is a nice navigable highway). Anyway when your car breaks down in the road less traveled you are wishing very much you had taken the road frequently traveled.

The car broke down - near sivasamudram falls. A few minutes earlier I had suggested we make a quick detour to see the falls.It was just 2 kms away. With clashes in the sort of music that could be played in the car(i wanted- senti crap with guitarists who imagine they are being soulful, father wanted - nothing, mother- the sound of her own voice), and with my father reading my book over my shoulder, and interrupting me just as i was nodding off with his 'when i was a young boy' stories i was fast getting bored of the trip and would have jumped out of that car. A get down and walk about near the falls seemed to be a good way to advertise and obtain that much needed respite.

Anyway the car broke down just as we reached the falls. Rather considerate of the car - to chose a tourist spot. If it was on the highway it might have been even more annoying. So we saw the falls ate mangoes and nellikas and ran away when we saw monkeys eyeing the said mangoes and nellikas, while father went about making alternate arrangements. (hey! he said he was the big cool planner/executor!). It transpired he managed to get a taxi to come pick us up and drop us o Konnegal- the nearest town with a bus stop. Car was abandoned near sivasamudram with driver given instructions to contact the car company who has agreed to come tow it back to bangalore.

We proceeded to Konnegal. the town with the busstop. It had a busstop but one full of busses leaving 'right now'. Now we needed to go to coimbatore. When we said that they laughed at our faces. (i dont know why really- apparently inter state buses are funny) So then we settled to go to Chamrajnagar. Of course the bus to chamrajnagar was leaving 'right now' and if we dilly dallied we would be city idiots or so the conductor implied. Tough small town folks are always hopping into busses without really caring where it goes he seemed to imply. So my mothers murmurs about maybe we should stop and have lunch and maybe we should wait a bit and check out all the busses before hopping into the 'right now' bus was ignored and we hopped in bag and all into the bus that was leaving to chamrajnagar right now, paid our fare of Rs 15 and sat in 3 different locations in the bus. I could read my book in peace. Over 8 people could now read over my shoulder- except most of them dint really want to, but being mished mashed as we were , they were forced to. Loud Kanada music about a young girl being in love with a man because ' his style was different' and 'his speed was different' blared at top volume and was objected to by no one. My dads 'when i was a young boy' stories were easily igmored and drowned under the loud music and clattering wheels and the fact that he was sitting in front of me.

Then the bus took a curious route. I knew from the map that there was highway type road to Chamrajnagar but we dint seem to be on it. Nevermind we would be eventually I thought. Except we stopped in nowhere and were told we should get into another bus which was also going right now to Chamrajnagar. Of course once again my mothers murmurs of lets see if autos/taxis will go to Chamrajnagar were ignored and we hopped into another bus. This time hopping was a little difficult because people were pouring out of every open portion of the bus. While we were enthusiastic to hop where do we hop. We settled for the last step. My mothers murmurs had raised in both pitch and volume and pretty soon the entire bus was aware of my planner/executor father's planning and executing abilities and someone out of pity (im not sure pity for who father or for mother- id like to thinkit was out of pity for me) offered my mother a seat.

We arrived at Chamrajnagar. Chamrajnagar is a small-ish town, but of course inquiries as to the various means to get out of that town cannot be made in one location. There is the Chamrajnagar private bus stop, the Chamrajnagar interstate bus stop, the Chamrajnagar taxi stand, the Chamrajnagar circle (for general idling and shopping u know... what shopping? u ask...u can shop anywhere is what i say). We arrive at the most uiseless of the locations- the Chamrajnagar private bus stop. So we take an auto- first to the taxi stand where we would try to procure a car to ferry us to Coimbatore. If we failed in this venture we planned to head on to the interstate bust stand. We did get a car. An ambassdor with a most uncommunicative driver who would drop us at coimbatore for a 1500 Rupees. Well , still we are not spending some 9000 rupees which would have if we had decided to fly from Bangalore feeling virtuous and not knowing that the car company was gleefully drawing up an estimate of 30-40 thousand for repairs.

So we proceeded- to coimbatore. grubby and dirty and fielding calls from my aunt whose own son was getting engaged and did not have me i.e his own(no no cousin i hastily pointed out and sharply rebuked for) sister there to welcome girl/bride into family. I was suppoused to do the welcoming by applying sandalwood paste to her forehead neck palms and feet along with kumkum (only forehead) and then leading her away to help her change into sari that would be gifted to her by my aunt and uncle. I felt she would feel the same amount of welcome whether i played my role or not.
(anyway i plan to put up another detailed post on the wedding)
So we proceeded, we reached Coimbatore after one pitstop at Sathyamangalam for some much delayed lunch. My mother despite her sharp insistence on lunch and her near breakdown(s) when it was denied to her in our bus hopping sprees- showed little interest in it now. Though I fell on my parotta with glee (parotta in Tamilnadu u say. well its not like paratha it is a very tamil interpretation of the same and is very good also). We approached Coimbatore and our driver proceeded to suddenly go insane. (and very annoying). We then realized having never been in a town bigger that Sathyamangalam, Coimbatore was baffling him. He kept thinking they were several towns lumped together, since we wanted to go to Ramnagar in Coimbatore. So then he insisted we had misled him by telling him we wanted to go to Coimbatore when we were infact going to Ramnagar. Then the main roads began to frighten him and he wondered how he would get back. Then the fact that we dint know where exactly we wanted to go in coimbatore perturbed him some more. Then the fact that it began to rain drove him ballistic.

Meanwhile i was dying. I just wanted to get to my uncles house and be greeted with some nice hot filter coffee. I dreamt of this fliter coffee, I saw it I smelt it in my mind . We reached my uncles house, paid our driver who was still mumbling and muttering, trudged up two storeys, settled ourselves in the sofas. My uncle said 'of course i told the boy (they have a man who runs their house and makes coffee besides other things) that there was no need to keep any coffee since we shd leave for the engagement immidiately being so late as it is.'

Sigh.

Detailed wedding post coming up.

PS: All in all it was great fun. Really.

grand grander grandest

2008-02-14T16:46:00.000+05:30

love is grand, a divorce 1000 grand

2008-02-13T10:28:00.000+05:30

flowers and candy

2008-02-12T16:04:00.000+05:30

will he wont he
give me flowers
buy me bears
in the tradition of lovers
show me he really cares
im a girl dont u see
material things make sure
i turn into we

head over heels

2008-02-12T10:57:00.000+05:30

what did the bat say to his girlfriend?

You are fun to hang out with

2008-02-12T10:54:00.000+05:30

love in the air

2008-02-12T10:52:00.000+05:30

what do farmers give their wives on valentines day

hogs and kisses!

Atom

2008-02-11T16:23:00.000+05:30

Two atoms are speeding along the highway, when one of them screeches to a halt and says ' hang o i think ive lost an electron'
the other atom says ' are u sure'
the first atom replies ' yep. im positive'

aum

2008-02-08T15:52:00.000+05:30

did you hear about the buddhist monk who refused anathesia during his root canal treatment?

he wanted to transcend-dental medication

Fire!

2008-02-08T14:25:00.000+05:30

What did the mexican fireman name his twin sons?

hose a and hose b

click

2008-02-08T11:38:00.000+05:30

How many spaniards does it take to screw in a light bulb

just juan

mirache day 1

2008-02-06T10:52:00.000+05:30

well sqeezed a tiny portion of ponds age miracle and rubbed n face. Evertything is still the same as day 0 but skin does seem somewhat softer. am unable to say is this is work of the miracle or just result of face being washed or hey maybe my finger tips got smoother and not my ace! how wud i know. no attempting to rub finger tips on other surfaces to check theory...but am unable to draw any kind o conclusion and give up.

Splotch

2008-02-05T18:29:00.000+05:30

2008-02-05T10:56:00.001+05:30

Can miracles happen? In 7 days will that woman be me? will detached arms be thrusting lowers at me? will i be looking at the camera instead and give a beatific smile body less hands thrusting flowers at me happens everyday? will i be cl;asping my hands contentedly and look all lady like? all in 7 days? will i ever be so flattering against a red back ground?

Well lets find out. Lets use the ponds age miracle (yes the ponds age miracle- we cant make it sound oridinary my calling it a ponds age cream...no its not a cream ...ita a miracle) for 7 days and see if i can acheive that contentment and supreme happiness that every woman cal only feel when she is against a red background with red roses thrust at her.

Miracles

2008-02-05T10:56:00.000+05:30

Can miracles happen? In 7 days will that woman be me? will detached arms be thrusting flowers at me? will i be looking at the camera instead and give a beatific smile unconcerned about the body less hands and look like im used to them thrusting flowers at me everyday? will i be clasping my hands contentedly and look all lady like? all in 7 days? will i ever be so flattering against a red back ground?

See :- http://www.ponds.co.in/agemiracle/index.html
(click on link)

Well lets find out. Lets use the ponds age miracle (yes the ponds age miracle- we cant make it sound ordinary by calling it a ponds age cream...no its not a cream ...its a miracle) for 7 days and see if i can achieve that contentment and supreme happiness that every woman can only feel when she is against a red background with red roses thrust at her.

Day 0

Skin has not yet been touched with the miracle.
skin fells all right if a little dry.
no pimples blemishes pockmarks or other things of that sort
Giant dark circles under the eye
skin looks a little shallow and lifeless.

from tomorrow we will see

what i need is a chomameter - if u dont understand go read the fine print.

Edited to add:
Day 1
well sqeezed a tiny portion of ponds age miracle and rubbed n face. Evertything is still the same as day 0 but skin does seem somewhat softer.
am unable to say is this is work of the miracle or just result touching face just after its washed or........maybe my finger tips got smoother and not my face! how would i know. now attempting to rub finger tips on other surfaces to check theory...but am unable to draw any kind of conclusion and give up.

Edited to add:
Day 2:
I forgot about the miracle today. :( Maybe i can make up tommorow with extra portions

Edited to add:
Day 3:
Was a little more genrous with the miracle. I swear my skin is getting softer and in just two days ..but im still skeptical. How much to attribute to miracle and how much to regular water and soap application which dint exist earlier. I think this test must be completely redone....in a more scientific manner....face to be split into two haves one for miracle one not. and i think that chromameter will be very useful ...if u still dont know what it is.....tch tch

Edited to add:
Days 4 and 5
Miracle aplication on schedule. But read fine print on bottle. it says miracle should be applied twice a day. so now am appplying the miracle morning and night and once more thru the day if i can or good measure.
skin is incredibly softer and all moisturized....it doesnt look any prettier mind u...just feels softer....have lil put break of pimples near my nose. dark eye patches continue to remain. skin still looks a little sallow.

Edited to add:
Day 6
Soft soft soft skin...but sill does not look any prettier... challenge has almost come to an end now.
what is it with 7?? ponds 7 day age miracle, olay cream also - total effects - fights the ' 7' signs of early aging. Kellogs break fast serial gets 7/7. and then there are 7 horcruxes that voldermort made. what is this 7 business everywhere....spooky

i see u

2008-02-04T23:05:00.000+05:30

man in glass house must change clothes in basement

Roses and Gradners

2008-02-04T15:00:00.000+05:30

Roses and Gardners and Karmic cycles...
...well you know what I am talking about

eye- spy

2008-02-02T12:23:00.000+05:30

what did one eye tell the other eye

between us something smells

police people

2008-02-02T12:08:00.000+05:30

why dint the new york policeman wear his uniform in his flt to london

cos he was in his plane clothes

Curly scrunchy hair

2008-01-22T17:32:00.000+05:30

So i went to a hair stylist, a REAL hair stylist- not lakhme's dime a donzen stylist not even loreal or any of those other fellows but a real one that was not sponsored by a cosmetic company. (actually there were- wella and werent so different from lakhme/loreal assembly line stylists..i was hoping for a lil more exclusivity sniff)

Anyway dear Ragini washed my hair, conditioned it, put it under something that looked like a giant slad bowl upturned. You know what i am talking about, you have seen them in hollywood movies -in the spa/parlour scenes -a bunch of women sitting with this huge semi sphere glass upturned bowl thing over their heads. Yes! i was under one of those....but its a little disappointing...doesnt do anything..... just releases steam and your head can get nicely cooked. Anyway Ragini washed, conditioned, cut, pulled,teased scrunched and talked -about Rajnikanth (he is so great! and so humble also) - about Page 3 people (i hear even Bangalore has its own page 3....delivered in a most incredulous and vaguely patronizingly congrajulaty tone accompannied with a tee hee), - south indian movies, and -why my hair was so dry and i must never touch these gasp o the shelf hair products (I am a little confused so now i should buy my shampoos online and wait or them to be delivered?)

I negotiated many a sticky moment almost blowing my i-am-so-posh-ive-had-expensive- haircuts-since-before-you-were-born attitude and survived with the 'i know what this giant upturned salad bowl is for' look, took a shot at the 'the leaf unconcernedly through magazine like you have all the time in the world OR totally loose it and threaten to sue' test (good on you ink stained....i leafed, working my way up t be ill-sue-you posh), agonized for hours (even sent a message) over 'the tip or dont tip' test (i dint tip....wait. so did i totally blow my im so posh cover?)

And when Ragini was through hair was eehh ok - curly (scrunched up ragini would say) and fell over my eye. Nice.

what a lot of hot air.....err hair

x mas

2007-12-24T17:08:00.000+05:30

I like christmas. I especially like it this year because it falls on a tuesday, and eid fell on the previous friday. So IF I had bunlked the right days (saturday and monday) I would have had a 5 day break. Well even if I dint take a 5 day break its still very nice. Everybody else seems to be on a break and everybody seems happier and this work one day break one day is quite fine.

I also like christmas because all TV shows and movies turn warm, fuzzy, pretty and white. (white only in the TV of course. I would be v shocked indeed if there was ever a white christmas in Bangalore) and then there are sales sales sales! (even if i never do buy anything having spent all my time staring at the sales signs in my daily traffic jams) and everything is in red and white. (and apparently this red and white is not attributable to coca cola as the convincing urban legend suggests). I like the carols though there are no carollers near where i live, but there is the radio.

How much fun would christmas or any festival really be for me without the enthusiastic retailers. I realise that I was never a big fan of the festivals or the holidays when i was younger, when hoardings and season sales had not acquired the frenzied pitch they have today. Festivals or holidays meant wearing silk purplish pink monstrosities and visiting aunts and uncles and have cheeks pulled. But now everything is different. There are ads, posters, hoardings, offers, jingles, TV specials. The carrollers and happy faced celebrators are all a button push away.

I can go home to a christmas-tree less christmas-light less christmas-party-plan less house and still be part bo the festivities. They will not let me not be. The hoardings, the radio, the store windows and the santa caps being sold at traffic junctions will serve to cheer and jeer.

One point to Mem

2007-12-22T14:02:00.000+05:30

my battles with my mum are something else. Well lets not call them battles really - altercations if you will...disagreements? arguments? lively debates?. Actually there is no word to describe what we have. It is a disagreement between two parties and attempts by both parties to get their own way. Sometimes both party's own way may not even clash....this realization leads to sudden alarm and can also call for a radical change in stand. It more about the principle of the thing- to maintain independent stands. It is more than that getting your way, it is establishing that your way is different and incompatible and then getting your way.

Now we have many weapons we use in these battles (again i hesitate at the use of the word 'battle', what we have is much more delicate, subtle, fine ...its like fencing or jousting ....battle is just too crude a term). There is the 'look', ''the unspoken word', 'the reproachful sigh', the 'we are a team smile', 'the furrowed brow' 'the employment and deployment of 3rd parties' 'the subtle and sometimes not so subtle reminder of past concessions, sacrifices granted or taken (which can include providing womb space for 9 months)' and it can go on and on and on.

Mum is an old hand at this having employed it and tested it and learnt it in duels against her own mum, mum in law, sister in law, sister and also me. But of course each battle is unique and has to be tapered to the specific person and the specific relationship you share with that person. Therefore my inexperience is not necessarily a disadvantage in our battles but with each battle i do grow more experienced, my skills honed and polished making my own battling process far more refined and structured.

The battle has no length, it has no beginning it has no end, perhaps there could be mini battles where someone wins or loses a point but it all adds to a much larger balance, a larger score that ..errr.. ultimately means nothing. Still we play the game like our lives are at stake and collect our points zealously.

Yelling and screaming are rare (tho they may be employed...esp if its a controlled yelling...meant to be used as part of a larger strategy). Much more can be achieved through the unspoken sigh and reproachful look combined. Of course defenses such a a thick skin, indifference and flippancy exist but you have to strategize and use them with care and caution. Otherwise you end up looking like a heartless ungrateful excuse of an offspring and blunts your offensives in the next round.

It used to enrage me and distress me these jabs, these tactics. Actually, it took me a while to recognize them, when i did they enraged and distressd (tho mainly set off a mixture of admiration and envy at such superior manipulating skill), but then i also saw i was my mothers daughter. She could not use her skills on me without passing on some of the powers. I learnt the look, the silent sufferer techniques. I dint learn them a much as i inherited them. They were part of me, and a part of her, as much as i was once a part of her. But i catch myself sometimes mimicking my mum subjecting others and drawing them into elongated, intricate emotional wrangles. But then you can only have those wrangles with ones whom you share a bond so strong it survives without without the wrangles. And it the end it doesnt really matter. Noone know what to do with the scores

2007-12-20T23:29:00.000+05:30

WORK DAY

2007-12-20T17:08:00.000+05:30

Click clack comp goes
Head aches body pains
Acts with their schedules
Excel sheets and values

Paperwork, shoddy desk
Phone rings, mails ping
Voices on the telephone
Bulbs flicker, fans drone

Tick tock minutes go
Inching along speeding along
Meetings begin meetings end
Bills made bills sent

End of day, go away
Freedom calls
Will be back another day

(read this with the tune of we dint start the fire running in your head. Of course dont try fit the words to the tune or anything)

The Beginning

2007-12-20T16:42:00.000+05:30

Why i am blogging-

1. i work in front of a computer and have a cubicle, so blogging is easily disguiseable as work. So i can look productive though not actually be productive (why would i want to do that? -I dont now yet. will figure it out)

2. I started writing on this blog because M added me as author. It was fun. But im running out of bombay stories. So here is chronicalling the life of mem inside and outside of bombay,( outside bombay where she sadly has to spend a large-ish part of her life)

3. I also have this strong urge to maintain a compulsive commentary. I have a need to share what is going on every minute of my life. Which can be very painful for listeners when nothing much is going on, and im still going "so i get into this auto, and im in a traffic jam....still.....still in the jam....yup still there" So anyway this way i can work off my constant commentary urge to the internet universe and not really care if its wincing in pain or boredom as well as giving my friends regular updates.

and thus the blog is born.